What Sex Am I?

My father died a year ago May 6th.  It has been over a year since his passing, and although we have grieved his death I must move on.  That is if those of us remaining want to stay in the running.  So many people in America are tossing in the cloth, and I don't mean Catholic priests.  Easily it is forgotten these priests were practicing Jerry Sandusky's moves with their own alter boys.  If one reflects upon the psychological health of America, we find a dismal remnant of our former glory.  It is disgusting.  The reasons are varied, but mostly it is because of the risen oligarchy.  The rich grabbed the reins and galloped America to hell.  Even candidly as I remember my Episcopal upbringing and education from the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill (also a remnant of its former glory), and even as I try to live a positive, moral, and ethical life, I realize the majority of America is evil.  Evil is a strong word, so I will rephrase.  The majority of America, because of the lure of capitalism, are not honest or fair to their fellow men.  Capitalism is  being ruthless, getting as much as you can, canning it, and sitting on that can.  We have been pulled down the sewer by Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and the rest because of the simple weakness of sexual impropriety.  When did it become probable that wealth earns you sexual satisfaction?  My friends it is the oldest profession for a reason, and always you will have to pay for it one way or another.  These ridiculous men, who have been incredibly influential in American culture, believe that notoriety and power earn you the right to behave as a sexual predator.  I can think of nothing more adolescent.  I have learned over the last year  many people I admire behave as immature irrational children.  I have learned to separate my admiration for their intelligence and art.  Often they are mislead, selfish, and narcissistic.  This after all is how one gets ahead in a Capitalist socioeconomic system.  One must kiss ass, take it up the ass, break the law, and abandon moral and ethical standards to become wealthy in America.  I have forgotten this, how to be ruthless.  I'm not sure it ever was a part of my vocabulary.  I was taught to be nice, and that means telling the truth, respecting your neighbors, and trying to abide by  ten commandments.  That is difficult, because America evidently no longer is a Christian nation.  Every tangible cultural ritual that has shored up America over its relatively short life has been destroyed.  Simply it is Orwellian.  George was right.  Big Brother has taken over America, and now we know how.  Communism never has ceased to be the enemy of the United States.  Ronnie did tear down that wall, and it fell in Berlin, but Communism staunchly has stayed around.  Now an ex KGB operative with a cunning knowledge of statesmanship has sanctioned the America President.  It couldn't be more obvious, and the entire country is figiting in  disbelief.  It is the only way he could have won the American presidency, and this will decide honest democracy will continue in America.  With this transformation into a Communist state, the rights and quality of life of the middle and lower classes has faltered as has their economic mobility.  To be happy in America today one must be rich.  You must buy your happiness, because the things that once provided have been sacrificed for the wealth of this risen oligarchy.  Clean air, clean water, and an electricity-free atomsphere have become a distant memory.  Our air, which is necessary for human survival, is wrought with aberrant electricity.  Every sense in the human body is being bombarded with manipulative murderous electricity.  Why else would there be no hope for the majority of people who choose suicide?  How can one change wrong on such a global level?   This influence is so far-reaching, so massive in volume, and so unrecognized and misunderstood from effective lobbying, why stick around?  You really have to want it, to continue to live.  Yes, our original immigrating founding fathers had a tough time too.  The Lost Colony didn't make it.  It takes money.  In America now, unlike its original existence providing sustenance for native Americans, we must buy our own survival.  We must buy water.  We must buy clean air.  We must buy happiness, because our earth has been turned into a huge dump.  The world landfill full of the oligarchies' trappings coercing, stealing, and manipulating their way to financial prominence with a blatant and alarming disregard for the health of our Earth.  Truly we must be in the the last days, when each and every day is a fight for our own survival against the established infrastructure meant to support us.  Wages are stagnant, and they will continue to be except for the upper class.  Each time our government raises prices for utilities, insurance, or medical care we get poorer.  Each time a cable company, a cellular carrier, or an insurance company raises their rates, Americans are pushed further into poverty.  Further into poverty we will go until Americans see it and disagree.  A probable revolution.  Poverty is one thing, but the invasion of your psychological sanctity?  Big Brother.  As I am sitting right here right now listening to my new Teac turntable, the needle inexplicably is skipping.  It is of no consequence that it sits on a huge antique bureau atop a hardwood floor on the second floor of our house.  How is it possible that anything could disrupt the stylus on that weighted tonearm?  That is because it is being disrupted through the air by sound waves, massive, long wave length, low frequency sound waves created by General Electric.  It is fitting this one hundred year old company is failing.  Aside from their assault on our mental health through massive pollution, I am mystified by the assault on my humanity.  Is it really American to have to defend one's sexuality?  Never before has this been a public issue.  Never before did being gay become a platform for notoriety.  Tell Bruce that transforming yourself into a woman during your late life crisis doesn't change the reality of who you have become.  You still are a burnt out athlete like many who have trouble reinventing themselves during old age.  You are just a burnt out fag who likes to dress up in women's clothing.  I have nothing against homosexuality.  Like Queen Latifah says in the film "Living Out Loud," homosexual men possibly feel more than straight men.  Often they are more gentle.  As such it is possible they have more of an affinity for the expressive arts than straight men.  Cole Porter.  Pyotr Tchaikovsky.  Leonard Bernstein.  Aaron Copland.  Who really cares what their sexual preference is?  It didn't dominate their lives, their homosexuality.  Often they prefer BOTH sexes.  What bothers me is that because I am single, because I have not bought into the marriage sacriment, I must defend my heterosexuality.  It seems because I am not having it reinforced visually daily by a worker, another person responsible for showing the world that I am straight, that I must assert my heterosexuality in a much more powerful way.  Was this what God intended?  Is this why I am supposed to get married, to keep away the gay men?  When I do indulge in my own heterosexuality by allowing myself to remember that there is an innate biological nature that provides this for me, I feel challenged by the norm in American society.  Truly the LGBT movement has made great strides, undermining the human psyche, the ID, and our animal instincts.  Throughout time they have been extremely comforting in times of duress, when we are so heavy laden that allowing God to step in provide comfort is welcome.  It is the nature of God's love, and yet today we no longer have this comfort.  We must doubt our own biological nature.  We have taught our children to be vain, narcissistic, and juvenile.  They have been immune from any school of hard knocks that built America.  Get in line Bruce. P.S.  Not to mention that FB sold out in a microsecond to Russian mob interests to make their fortune.  Is it possible to say, "I'm sorry" for selling out the American people? 

Ten Telltale Signs Your Nation Has Regressed Back to the Plantation

1.  When shareholder dividends take precedence over workers rights and salaries.

2.  When the United States Military is used internationally as a private security force to enforce corporate earnings.  

3.  When the war economy usurps the desires of the middle and lower classes.  

4.  When the majority of the Gross National Product is shelved in tax sheltered foreign banks stifling economic mobility rather than circulating in the American economy.  

5.  When failing United States corporations coerce clients at the expense of public health safety.  

6.  When bigoted, cavalier, inexperienced law enforcement officers abuse and murder innocent civilians.  

7.  When corrupt lawmakers manage the Federal Government. 

8.  When the Supreme Court becomes bought and paid for.  

9.  When the arts become impotent, insignificant, and manipulative.

10.   When the media becomes an entity of the state.

A Short Story

It is not often that I have nightmares, but when I do they are unrelentingly lucid. It is as if I am living a surreal, threateningly suspenseful, parallel life that should be a novel.  My job is to resolve the issue, integrate with the indigenous population, and survive.  It is not rocket science.  It is just life, life in Fayettenam.   Several times I was expeditious enough to write them down.  A recurring theme in these lucid dreams is duping local yokels, and I don't mean duping in the sense of pulling the wool over their eyes.  I mean excavating a foundation for you own life in the midst of a local controlling faction that in all probability never has traveled to another place.  This doesn't necessarily mean hillbilly.  There are plenty of intelligent local yokels about.  Most of them have money, and hence they have influence on local politics.  In my dreams it is made clear to me after a lifelong pursuit of personal fulfillment that a small group of affluent men control most things.  Often they are bisexual.  Often they want to have sex with your, or at least they are intrigued by your rebel presence, want to sample those goods, or feel privileged enough to be able to have sex with you if they want to.  They after all are in control.  I am able to thwart these men for the most part with college-bred sensibility.  It is called intelligence.  Luckily I was reared in a God-fearing family with Christian values and manners.  I have no real need to commit crimes, lie, cheat, or steal, because I have learned through education that these iniquities in the long run will cause you distress.  I have an instinctual feeling that the FBI is trying to dig up dirt on me.  It may or may not have something to do with the Gulfstream jet which frequently flies over the top of our home.  This is no coincidence.  I have written about Leon Panetta's CIA jet before.  These organizations don't have much else to do but fly around America spending the taxpayer's dollars.  This is no delusion of grandeur.  This is no psychotic hallucination.  Within five minutes of exiting my house to water the garden, no matter what time of day, this jet appears flying directly over the top of our yard.  That is an example of clockwork.  I walk outside to water the garden, and this Gulfstream jet appears.  I must be really special, a real threat, or else the CIA takes pointers from my gardening skills.  I have a nice tomato patch.  I am getting tired of flipping the plane the bird.  I guess they are tired of seeing me flip them the bird.  Better yet they have nothing better to do than waste the taxpayers dollars.  L3 Communications has their own dollars, and yet also they come from the American taxpayer.  They are one of the largest defense contractors in America, hence their money comes from a private contract awarded by the President.  Often not upon are they bid.  Who cares?  Their jet wash is a small percentage of the dross that pollutes Cumberland Country.  Dig as they may, there are very few skeletons to be found in my closets.  I never have had sex with a child or another man, although I have slept with another man's wife.  Only was it with their consent.   Never have I buried dead bodies, although I dreamt of it least night.  Of one of the many apartments I rented in Columbus, somehow I made my way back.  There were the seams in the floor above where I had dug shallow graves to hold the dead bodies.  Somehow that group of Ohio oligarchs got it in their mind that I had taken their satchel full of money.  John Freeman and I had been joyriding on those winding roads north of Columbus.  I had been going to fast and my Toyota Tercel unibody wagon flew off the road and into a tree.  The next thing I remember is waking up in Duke University Hospital a year later with my wounds healed.  There was a slight scar on my neck, but all-in-all I was whole.  Completely recovered but with no memory of the accident.  The statute of limitations had passed as years passed, and the whereabouts of the satchel of money became a legend.  Still those bisexual men in Columbus somehow thought I knew where it was.  I thwarted them, and they didn't mind. 

Great Classical Music

In no specific order the music I have enjoyed on WCPE and purchased online in the last two years:

Saint-Saens-  String Quartets 1&2

Shostakovich- Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk

Mozart- Die Entfuhrung Aus Dem Serail

Brahms- Serenade No. 1

Bach for Brass- Laubin Brass Ensemble

Handel- Concerto Grossi Op. 3, Les Musiciens Du Louvre

Sephartic Journey- The Cavatina Duo

A Christmas Flourish- Hannaford Street Silver Band

But Not Forgotten- Music by African-American Composers
     for Clarinet and Piano

Dvorak- American String Quartet, Emerson String Quartet

CBS Masterworks Dinner Classics, The Christmas Album

Voices of Light- Richard Einhorn

EMI Classics- The French Album, Perlman Edition

Cameron Carpenter- All You Need is Bach

Wynton Marsali- Carnaval, Eastman Wind Ensemble

Albert Hurwit- Symphony No. 1 "Remembrance"

Aaron Copland- Quiet City

Repast Baroque Ensemble- Carolus Hacquart

Rebel- Violin Sonatas

Chopin Nocturnes- Earl Wild

Finzi Clarinet Concerto- Richard Stolzman

Rimsky-Korsakov- Night on Mount Triglav

In the Arms of the Beloved- The Music of Richard Daneilpour

Cello Concerto- Edward Elgar. Yo Yo Ma. Andre Previn

Cesar Franck- Psyche, Ravel- Rapsodie Espagnole, Debussy- Danse Sacree et Profane

Richard Strauss- Wind Concertos (oboe)

Hayden Symphony No. 6- The Hanover Band

Tchaikovsky, Prokofiev, Bartok, Piano Concertos- Emil Gilets

I Got No Kick Against Modern Jazz, She's Leaving Home- McKoy Tyner

Michael Brecker- Ballad Book

Bob Marley- Talking Blues

Bravo Brubeck

Bob Florence- Another Side Quartet

Sountrack from "The Russia House"

Soundtrack from "Leaving Las Vegas"



 

Touche of Medusa

Mrs. Beezleworth slid her petticoat down her thighs and stepped out of them.  The smell of burning rose wax permeated the evening air and a gentle breeze made the candle's flame flicker.  She kicked the undergarment out from under her hosed feet and slid her fingers under the waistband of her panty hose.  Panty hose and a petticoat?  It takes much vintage clothing to make a harlot she thought to herself.  Is a role on Broadway so important?  Yes.  She rolled down her hose until she was wearing nothing but her high waisted cotton granny panties.  These are so sexy she thought.  (But they are comfortable, especially when running about onstage.)  "You could carry your lunch in those," Dannon exclaimed from behind her dressing curtain.  "That's not all I carry, Love."  "Show me, Ms Moneypenny."  "I will."  Dannon slid from behind the curtain and crawled naked into her bed.  "Naked," he said.  "Yes dear, I know.  Give me a minute."  She exited into the bathroom and returned minutes later her face covered in cold cream and wearing her dressing gown."  "I'm a picture, huh?"  "Yes, he said."   She dropped her robe and like a heathen goddess made her way to the bed."  "If I didn't know better, darling, you could be Medusa."  "Medusa with the best mouth on Broadway."  "Touche."

Rex Tillerson Former Secretary of State

Professor Tillerson left his office early that night still reeling from the humiliation of being fired by a presidential tweet.  His head down making a beeline for his Ford sedan, he drove home and phoned Exxon/Mobile.  "Dan?  This is Rex.  Raise oil prices.  I don't care how you do it.  Frame it spring demand."  "Yes sir."  Tillerson hung up the phone and walked over to his antique bar, poured himself a Scotch, and sat down in his leather recliner.  His humidor in reach, he opened the box and took out a sublime Havana cigar and fired it up.  "Mr. Tillerson?"  "Yes, Sabrina."  "President Trump is on the line."  "Tell him I am busy."   

A Short Story About the Vanstory Hobo

Like most newsworthy, spongeworthy, James Worthy events, the departure of L3 from their portal located behind the Fayetteville Harris Teeter was innocuous.  For a decade the barricaded DOD building in close proximity to L3's transmission station operated in anonymity.  An Arms Room managing and planning weapons distribution for the United States Army completed its tasks under the close surveillance of two Beechcraft King Air 350 planes making lazy circles in the sky.  Unfortunately the location of the DOD compound and its accompanying L3 communications pod bordered the Vanstory Hills neighborhood including its elementary school.  The combination of high profile spoiled brats, a local flasher, and million dollar surveillance aircraft fused to create a local legend, the "Vanstory Hobo."  He often was seen climbing trees, building shelter out of vines, and otherwise ignoring recalcitrant rich children.  His steadfast animosity infuriated the children, and they concocted an urban legend who ate human flesh, terrorized rabbits, and had sex with neighborhood canine.  The DOD became fearful of the urban legend and that with his newly found powers may penetrate the walls of the DOD building and steal information for release on Wikileaks.  After months of endless fear and trepidation, the DOD decided to move their facility to a more secure location.  L3 followed although their Gulfstream jet often can be seen flying over Fayetteville as many as four times a day.  Legend has it they still are looking for the Vanstory Hobo as their mundane jobs crunching statistics for General Mattis become tiring.  It has been heard the Vanstory Hobo recently resurfaced planting a viable vegetable garden, planting herbs, and playing classical music outside. 

Fayetteville's Shit on a Shingle

There can be no greater erroneous supposition that usurps the active cognition that pizza in the south is more than doughy mush covered in menstrual fluid.  In fact that would be more tasty and more appealing.  Then again if menstrual blood on a bun were to become popular as a foodstuff, the General Assembly of North Carolina would want to control it.  They probably do, and that is why Papa John, Dominoes, and Marco's all agree upon serving the same revolting combination of wet diapers, scrotum cheese, and menstrual blood.  I guess if you have eighteen dollars, haven't eaten in three weeks, and are a Zombie then that recipe is for you.  Welcome to Fayettenam.  After capitalizing on Little Ceasar's five dollar pepperoni hot and ready for over a year, it was time for a different flavor.  Three strikes and your out, of pizza forever.  Two strikes here, and both are insulting enough to tell you straight to your face that the three dollar "delivery" fee does not go to the driver.  Why are we paying a fee for delivery if it does not do to the delivery person?  This is the Conditions of America it her best.  As Eric Cartman would say, "Send down the lubrication guy, because I liked to get lubed before I get @#$%3ed."  That is pretty bold.  We will deliver a putrid, waxy, nauseating, pile of dung on a wet shingle to your door covered in menstrual blood, and charge your three dollars more that by the way, "Doesn't go to your driver!"  He is free to harass you about the three dollars he doesn't see from the pizza sale.  I have no doubt they are instructed to tell you that they get none of the three dollars listed as a delivery fee.  In the future, as I look at the lovely images of deformed children begging for money on SONYHD, adamantly and with fervor I will not give the driver a tip.  You need to negotiate that with your employer.  Instead they condone the harassing of customers by irate poor pizza delivery droids.  I guess once again I am behind the curve.  I am down on the lip of the bell curve.  Slow.  Behind the times.  We don't order pizza, and know I know why we no longer order pizza.  Like everything else now I must create my own self made pizza.  No problem.  My tacos are better than any tacos in Fayettenam.  It doesn't take much.  Fresh ingredients.  A little effort.  In the pizza war (and I am resisting the urge to down a half bottle of hard liquor to forget my troubles) the South is askew.  I have visited the birthplace of Pizza, and that pizza wasn't much.  They raved about it, mostly because they were eating it at the birthplace of pizza.  It is the Italian port city with canals.  Venice.  "Ah, Bach!"  Venice was a toilet bowl, and its cobblestones hurt my feet.  I do wish I had appreciated the sculpture and architecture of Italy more.  The pizza was awful, but not as bad as the pizza in Fayettenam.  A wet diaper covered in menstrual blood.  A five hundred degree pizza stone will cook a pizza in a few minutes.  That is the trick, and a wood or coal fired brick oven is best.  The crust should be thin and crackly, crackly like a cracker, a mulatto cracker, white with black spots.  It could be New Orleans pizza.  The thick, coating, heart stopping fake cheese is naught.  That was Papa John's tonight.  A wet diaper covered in a waxy film of fake cheese covered in menstrual blood.  Here we are in Fayettenam, a Zombie-infested irradiated toilet bowl of chemicals in Cape Fear swamp water, and people are dying in droves.  If I were not sick and tired, it would motivate me to grow as a person.  Fayettenam is good at killing.  Any town with any High School that has a group called "Remembering Our Lost Friends....."  Dead people.  Our dead people.  People who die way before their times.  Up Jacksonville way, Camp Lejune once cleaned all of their war machines with powerful solvents and dumped them on the ground.  Those solvents made their way down into the local water table, and people started dying.  Birth defects.  Cancer.  Death.  It went on quite some time before it was settled.  Take a look at Fort Bragg.  A tributary of the Cape Fear River runs directly along the top border of Fort Bragg.  It is a stones throw from Pope Field.  Often I have wondered if they take or dump into that tributary.  As human beings we never have been able to drink the water.  First it was duck poop.  Then beer was discovered and solved this problem.  Since then we have been drinking beverages other than water for good reason.  The only thing I do with Cape Fear swamp water is bathe, and I keep it on my body for the shortest time possible.  For cooking and drinking I have been using good quality Florida aquifer water for a few years.  Spring water.  Not purified water.  Not twice distilled, backwardly osmosed, doubly filtered horse piss.  Water distributors like Nestle can purify tap water and demand you tip their delivery people because they don't see a penny of the delivery fee.  This is America. 

The Demise of Main Stream Capitalism

America deeply is ensconced in the bowels of evil.  The putrid feces of jive is swirling so thickly around us it is difficult to see the surface.  I am just below it, the sunlight an opaque hue that mocks and angers me.  There only is so much one can do.  Rage against the machine?  

American Motive Stepford Wives

New Christine is the ES44AC.  Old Christine is the Dash 9.  New Christine is Old Christine equipped with an extended auxiliary electronics cab housing her inverter stacks.  New Christine used the GEVO temporarily as required by the EPA but then reverted back to the 7FDL-16 making New Christine old fat Christine on steroids.  Neither Christine would be possible without Hewlett Packard.  New Christine would not be possible without Nikola Tesla.  New Christine defies the traditional practices of alternating current and slows down its gait into the ELF range.  Technically while not creating low frequency electromagnetic waves, New Christine instead creates ambient transient alternating current in the low frequency range.  While it is not well known this unbridled Tesla-created energy manifests itself on our daily lives, most often in our local power grids.  Christine and her cousins can be heard creating the Taos Hum.  The Norfolk and Southern commissioned all of the Old Christines and currently with GE are transitioning all into New Christines.  Like Stepford Wives created on an assembly line by American Motive Power, Inc. in Dansville, New York, more fat Old Christines on steroids are emerging.  Do you know what happened to the Stepford Wives?  They were idealistic until a fatal feasibility study.  Harvey, Charlie, Matt, and Bill all fell from grace for eating their own cake.  AC Traction has eaten enough of American's lives.  

It doesn't seem to matter.  The power structure of America has grown so askew, man has become but a speck of dust.  Cumberland Country is the only county in North Carolina which did not add population.  Urban sprawl has become prolific, and the situation is the perfect metaphor for the collapse of America.  I won't go as far as to say as Capitalism has collapsed.  It has not, but the socioeconomic system of America, mainstream America, the America most of us know and grew up in, has failed.  That is because there is no mainstream.  There is nothing binding together the American masses.  How can a country, much less a state, a city, a county, or a town exist with no commonality?  Commonality is the backbone of civilization, and we have forgotten this.  Thus we have no art.  We have nothing.  We have the rich and the poor, and sadly America has become a third world country.  It was inevitable.  Our middle class is forgotten, integrity no longer is an asset, and ingenuity no longer is rewarded in wage.  We have become a slave labor force, and we are paid to shut up.  "Be silent, be still.  Be silent, be still."  Laney Boggs.  It is disgusting.  I live in this country, and there is nothing before me that suggests anything of value.  Contrarily America is a maelstrom of anarchy, chaos, and destruction.  I have a theory about this decline of America, and directly it is related to the decline of mainstream Capitalism.  Again I will not say that Capitalism has failed.  It has not.  It has created for the rich, and these rich have forgotten with their billions that although they can continue to live on these billions, the longevity of America is reliant upon cooperation and a common ideal.  Therefore today's rich in no way care about America now or her future.  They are shallow opportunists and are doing what Republicans always have done.  Get what you can, can it and sit on the can.  America's can is overseas, in Geneva, and in Grand Cayman.  Until that money is freed up and invested back in America, we will continue to spiral downward back to the slave society as we began.  This too is inevitable, unless the masses protest.  All ready we are working at slave wages.  Each time it is announced yet another rate is rising, a utility, an insurance premium, or a tax, what were mainstream Americans become poorer.  Slowly and silently we are being forced into poverty.  What I don't understand is how Cumberland County, the only county in North Carolina that did not grow in population in 2017,  is allowed 
to be irradiated.  There is a tangible reason why Cumberland Country did not grow.  Visit it.  Hang out.  Stay a while.  Relax, or rather try to relax.  Alcohol is necessary.  Alcohol is necessary.  Alcohol is necessary, and the prudent business owners know this.  You will not be able to relax without help.  I would prefer a Rub and a Tug, but that is illegal.  Our prudent, corrupt, self centered, and self righteous state assembly members want to control everything.  If it has the potential to make money, they want to control it.  So in a nutshell is the problem with America.  This is why Capitalism has failed to work for the mainstream, and this is why no longer is there a mainstream.  Small businesses and public education have been abandoned, therefore creating the third world hierarchy of rich and poor.  If we do not educate our populace, and if we do not support small business, then the rich forever will proliferate.  This has been the plan all along since W.  It seems to have begun with W.  I used to think that W. was the devil manifested in human form.  Now I feel the devil manifested in human form is Mark Z.  W.'s people pushed him as their American president to enable the rich and forget the rest.  I am tired of fighting for it.  If my country will not afford me a reasonable living with my knowledge and talent, then why should I fight?  The answer is survival.  Like Generation X I don't give a shit.  If when you work harder they beat you down more, what's the point?  Kurt Cobain.  You become a martyr.  I almost have adjusted to the idea that not all of us are to prosper in America at least monetarily.  Jesus was poor, and He was alright.  I am alright being poor, but it is a drag.  Never have I been able to choose my own car.  Never have I been able to buy my own bedroom suite.  Never have I been able to design my own kitchen.  Never have I been married.  Never have I had children.  I have missed a lot of things, and yet I am not disgruntled.  I am not bitter, but I am longing.  It comes and goes.  It comes when my community, as small as it is, feels the same.  Because I am a support mechanism, I am not at liberty to exercise freedom of choice.  It is a unique and challenging state of grace.  I am not bitter, but I am restless with the prospect of not doing many of the things others have done.  (The radiation just began again.  It stopped for a brief moment, and my eyes were clear)  There is a lowly, uneducated, undeserving slave with his hand on the switch.  An affluent family is telling him what to do for slave wages.  Fighter gets fly over my house continually.  Helicopters thunder all night long.  Diesel trains operate non-stop.  Although America is not at war, Cumberland Country is at war, and no one wants it.  They do not want to live here.  That is why this county is the only county in North Carolina which did not grow in population in 2017.  We have a massive war machine.  We have 65,000+ soldiers preparing for war, and yet Cumberland Country is not at war.  Why should we have to live like America is at war?  Unless you exploit the training soldiers, why cannot we live a peaceful and serene life like others?  Move they would say.  I am not at liberty to do that at the moment.  For two weeks straight we have been irradiated, irradiated with electricity, vibration, and cancer-causing bile.  Gen X and other chemicals are in the Cape Fear River.  The "vibe" of Cumberland Country could not be worse.  It is if Elon Musk has pointed his supersonic laser directly at Fayettenam.  We are under scrutiny.  We are being scrutinized.  We are smuggling drugs.  We are trafficking juveniles.  We are committing murder, all because mainstream capitalism has failed.  When mainstream capitalism fails, a community ceases to produce.  When the parts of the puzzle do not fit together and support one another, the image deteriorates.  The fall of mainstream capitalism is because of the demise of domestic manufacturing, the demise of the production of textiles, the demise of the production of furniture, and the demise of the production of appliances.  It is because America's manufacturing jobs were out-sourced to Jihad.  We gave up on Americans, Americans who fought for and deserved a living wage.  We sold out America in the blink of an eye when Bill Clinton singed NAFTA.  Many South American economies collapsed, and many South Americans lost their life savings all in the blink of an eye, the flick of a presidential ink pen.  What is left?  What will you see if you travel across America?  What do you see in Cumberland County?  Strip malls.  Urban sprawl.  Green spaces that rapidly are disappearing.  Growth.  The only time growth is necessary is when mainstream capitalism has failed.  

American Motive Stepford Wives

New Christine is the ES44AC.  Old Christine is the Dash 9.  New Christine is Old Christine equipped with an extended auxiliary electronics cab housing her inverter stacks.  New Christine used the GEVO temporarily as required by the EPA but then reverted back to the 7FDL-16 making New Christine old fat Christine on steroids.  Neither Christine would be possible without Hewlett Packard.  New Christine would not be possible without Nikola Tesla.  New Christine defies the traditional practices of alternating current and slows down its gait into the ELF range.  Technically while not creating low frequency electromagnetic waves, New Christine instead creates ambient transient alternating current in the low frequency range.  While it is not well known this unbridled Tesla-created energy manifests itself on our daily lives, most often in our local power grids.  Christine and her cousins can be heard creating the Taos Hum.  The Norfolk and Southern commissioned all of the Old Christines and currently with GE are transitioning all into New Christines.  Like Stepford Wives created on an assembly line by American Motive Power, Inc. in Dansville, New York, more fat Old Christines on steroids are emerging.  Do you know what happened to the Stepford Wives?  They were idealistic until a fatal feasibility study.  Harvey, Charlie, Matt, and Bill all fell from grace for eating their own cake.  AC Traction has eaten enough of American's lives. 

The Graveyard of the Infidels and "The Manufacturer"

CFM International is a joint venture between GE Aviation, a division of General Electric of the United States, and Safran Aircraft Engines (formerly known as Snecma), a division of Safran of France. The joint venture was formed to build and support the CFM56 series of turbofan engines.
The names of CFM International and the CFM56 product line are derived from the two parent companies’ commercial engine designations: GE's CF6 and Snecma's M56.


Piss and shit.  I have a headache, and it is not coming from my head.  It is coming henceforth a tunnel at Fort Bragg.  My gun is not out.  Maybe it should be.  Our military.  Miss McGillicutty.  A tunnel at Fort Bragg.  Of all the things I want to think about, it is a standing wave in my home sourced in a tunnel at Fort Bragg.  They are not too bright our military, kind of like the NRA.  You can't argue with stupid, or a suicide bomber who kills fifty plus people in A.  They really want those poppies, us and them.  Maybe I should buy an Artic Air.  Spare.  Me.  Put a frozen gel pack in a fan and B-L-O-W!  In my small shopping excursion today to buy garden supplies and groceries I saw two differing consists.  Two sets of two locomotives.  One set were antiquated 1970's technology, which translates to:  Not up to EPA Tier 4 standards.  Grandfathered in.  Pollutes like a hog farm.  Why?  Because a
GP series locomotive from the 70's or even 60's uses a TWO STROKE turbo-charged prime mover.  Great news for us.  I'll bet my left nut that they have been rebuilt by "The Manufacturer."  What the fock is "The Manufacturer?"  Ask the national television news.  In each and every reported story on the aircraft engine explosion, the reporter says, "The Manufacturer."  What significance does this have to us today?  Ask Big Brother and you will understand.  "The Manufacturer" is the Washington Lobby Machine produces for its efforts.  When an aircraft engine explodes mid flight killing a woman sitting in the plane, the designated responsibility for the death is "The Manufacturer."  The car manufacturer who tampered with computer chips to alter the emissions data of their onboard control systems in cars.... "The Manufacturer."  In this case the manufacturer was exposed and convicted of malfeasance and fined a hefty amount payable both to
Washington and state governments.  (VW) What a way to run your country, collecting fines and poppies.  America is such a disgrace, and I have a headache.  There is a tunnel at Fort Bragg less than five miles away with a consist in it.  They load munition trains down there.  Word has it they got smart enough to vent the diesel micro dust exhaust. I wonder how many soldiers or civilian contractors suffocated in this tunnel?  "The Manufacturer?"  How can any upstanding news organization gloss over such a fact?  A woman was killed and the national television news is instructed not to say the name of the manufacturer of the engine.  Are we babies?  "The Manufacturer?"  GE.  General Electric until now would boast of their massive production of aircraft engines.  They are a corporate monopoly.  When CSX-T failed to unlock a padlock and change the tracks, two Amtrack engineers were slaughtered in a head on collision.  The television news said, "The Rail Company."  Thanks to Washington lobbyists, the great American companies have morphed into shell companies operating with impunity, under the radar, and without regulation.  How wiener can a television network be, that they won't say the name of the company committing the crimes in their stories?  That is some kind of protection, and I am sober.  It sucks with a royal, newly born baby heir to the throne, suck.  There is a standing wave in my home, and I saw two different consists today.  One was the illustrious CSX-T.  Two SD-40-2's with no freight just toddling around The Ville.  The second were the two rebuilt GP's.  I'm not sure they are rebuilt, but from the conflicting summation of standing waves in 'Nam I would guess so.  GE is responsible for some of the re-builds.  Then there is the new company that absorbed EMD.  Electro Motive Division.  They have a new name, this conglomerate, and they re-build locomotives in Pennsylvania on the Ohio River.  Who cares?  I would rather get laid then have standing waves in my home.  GE built the engine that exploded killing a helpless woman, and they have not said their name on the national news.  That is some mob-like protection.  They are falling from grace rapidly like DuPont.  I intended to reinforce my thoughts this evening, and this is what came out.  The cleaning lady comes tomorrow, so we must clean up for the cleaning lady.   All I have done is yard work for weeks.  Spring almost is here, if it weren't for the unusually cold weather.  I haven't planted my tomato garden yet, and I am glad.  They will grow into November.  I am in no hurry.  The rest of the yard looks wonderful, and the pine worms keep falling.  Whatever.  It comes with the territory.  So what have I done musically to keep my sanity, Hannity?  I played a small gig, which required a lot of musical preparation.  It only was thirty minutes, but it was a heavy set list.  A few of the tunes I all ready had good sheets on.  A few I had to write out.  Almost all of them had a range of an octave and a half making it tricky to score them for female alto voice.  The rule in jazz is no screeching over the "break."  No soprano range unless it is "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess.  The gig went well, but I was paid less then half of what I was told.  That is bad business in the music biz.  Never should you ever tell someone something and pay them less.  That is the end of it.  No compromise.  Basic business.  That is why I have no desire to play music in public anymore.  So what have I done musically that is gratifying recently?  In the process of rehearsing this music, I used my newly miked Yamaha P3 piano.  I knew it recorded well, but I decided to test this particular mike set up for live performance.  The piano is not loud enough to play as is.  You must take off the front cover and bottom to be able to hear it well.  If you do, it sounds good.  This method defeats my mike set up, which relies on recording the "sound of the box."  "The Manufacturer."  GE.  Yamaha made my piano, and it is a good one.  It does not explode when you play it.  To get the good recording sound, the covers must be on enclosing the harp.  The box.  Box is good for many reasons.  I need some box, so I mike the box of the piano.  The sympathetic resonance of the strings create a rich sound often lost live.  I tried the live miking set up, about twelve feet back with the covers off.  It sounded like a grand, a rock grand at that.  It dawned on my that piano players go their entire lives without hearing what their instrument really sounds like.  @#$%^&!!!  Can you dig it?  We sit at the instrument, playing it, and yet we have no idea how it sounds to the patrons.  I didn't like it at all.  The intimate sound inside the box is much richer, so I miked it.  In preparation for the gig and during our rehearsal I used the internally mounted mikes, their accompanying DI's, and routed them through my two Roland Cube 60 keyboard amps.  It was amazing.  In stereo left and right, the piano sounded fabulous.  It was natural and resonant.  It didn't make me play better or make it easier.  That is the responsibility of the pianist, and I feel I am losing some ability.  Music must come from within, and with the political and social climate of America, we are in a dark time.  Because I love music, and can create joy if left alone.  I can't overcome "The Tunnel at Fort Bragg,"  "The Manufacturer," or "Jive."  Jive is all around us, like infidels waiting to die.  It finally has dawned on me how stupid America is.  My standards are really high, because I have studied at the doctoral level.  Whoopie.  It is natural to try to push the envelope.  If you are not, you are wasting your time.  Thelma looks pretty good, but our TV will go out anytime now.  It is raining.  That is pretty low tech in today's society.  Rain and you lose television service.  Anything is better than Spectrum.  My piano records and plays well live.  I all ready knew this, but it was good news.  Did I say the cleaning lady comes tomorrow, so we have to clean up for her?  That means I have to get up early.  Still I have a headache, because of the "Tunnel at Fort Bragg."  They are not very bright, our military.  When is the last time they did anything for the American people?  Really?  Eight hundred billion dollars for a private security force serving America's shell companies.  It is a shite state of affairs. 

The N.R.A.

One question has yet to be answered.  Who are the NRA?  It is a difficult question.  We might be able to learn from Dr. Michael Burry's example.  He read the mortgages.  Is it possible to read the roster of this civil rights organization?  From the small amount of research I have done, they are a pro gun organization with three million members.  I have been trying to figure out who these people are.  If their lobby is so strong in Washington, there must be some heavy hitters in their league.  This question is simple.  Who in America believes that citizens should be able to possess assault weapons?  I am guessing the term assault weapon is a generalization in the view of the NRA.  They must be fundamentalists who are staunch supporters of our American Constitution.  Americans have the right to bear arms, because our history (as are the histories of most nations) is littered with war.  When war presents itself as a metaphor for our freedom, we must fight.  This is a postulate of survival.  Therefore a no gun America is not and never will be an option.  Our own militias defeated the British to earn our freedom from imperialist rule.  It is naive to think that America or any nation could exist without protections.  Australia is a nice pipe dream, but who has been there? Australia is not America.  It was a British penal colony truly that is hidden down under.  Other than recently discovered minerals, they  produce no products.  Therefore their global influence is minimal.  I respect them for banning guns, and I laud their result, much less violence.  Australia is not America.  We are guaranteed the right to possess guns for our own protections.  The issue is how to we keep these guns, often killing machines on steroids, away from our youth.  Further how do we keep these killing machines on steroids away from our youth who suffer from acute mental illness.  I do believe that the probability of violence is less if their were fewer guns.  Never will this happen in the United States, so we must accept it.  The question once again is who are the NRA?  Who feels Americans should be able to possess assault weapons, weapons formerly made available to our armed forces to protect America in case of war?  Does the NRA believe that it is likely America will be invaded from the North or the South?  While we have fought Mexico, most Americans probably would agree that we will not see an invasion of America from either country, Mexico or Canada.  The GNP of Canada is weed.  Sixty percent of their economy comes from the growing of Cannabis.  Do we really feel threatened by South America?  Ronnie did.  Those damn Commie bastards running drugs in Central America.  Please.  The likelihood of a domestic invasion in America demanding we defend ourselves with assault weapons is marginal.  Strike one.  The remaining answer is that assault style weapons will be used to defend ourselves against our own government.  That is ironic.  If this is the philosophy of the NRA, then it is ironic that they lobby the very body of people against whom they will be fighting eventually.  Trump's head is spinning.  This is what leads me to believe that the NRA is a shell organization.  It is a facade.  The real answer is no one cars about who will use assault weapons.  They only care that the AR-15 is the biggest selling gun in American history.  That means that the goons who support assault weapons never have thought about its implications to mentally challenged teens.  They could care less.  All they know is the selling of these weapons is making them money.  Thus the definition of current American Capitalism has been cemented.  We are not smart enough of a nation to think through any philosophical issue, because it only matters that we earn enough money to support our greed.  Greed is all that America has become.  The NRA is the gun industry, and they sell guns however they can.  It is that simple, and they are not that smart.  It is like Fayetteville, rednecks with money.  There is no point in trying to argue with stupid. 

The Nation of Child Genocide

I don't feel like writing at all.  My last two nights of sleep have been torturous.  Now I don't mind the sounds of the bombs bursting in air. Finally the local news reported a story confirming the Marines are in Fayettenam.  No surprise there.  They come twice a year, and you know it.  Is their activity related to my torturous sleep?  "Yes and No," as Wayne Shorter might say.  When Army men are returning from deployment they fly in covertly at night.  Their flight path is directly over our house.  Yea!  When I can't sleep, and I keep feeling constant vibration through the roof.  Well, you can "Imagine," as John Lennon might.  Living underneath an airport flight path.  "Get 'er done.  Get it done."  The bombs now are a comfort, like they were this morning when multiple diesel/electric locomotives were operating in close proximity.  It begins at 5:00 a.m., and it continues most of the day.  When am I supposed to sleep?  Ask the CEO of CSX-T or Norfolk Southern.  No one regulates their industry.  They operate with impunity protected by the Interstate Commerce Commission.  I'll bet not a millennial has heard of this body.  If and when I criticize either of these organizations, they punish me more.  "Think this is bad, sonny?  Take some of this."  As my broken record repeats, whence is this disturbia coming?  Disturbia is a film staring Shia Lebuff.  That is an interesting name.  Evidently he allowed himself to be raped as part of his art exposition.  We have multiple choices here in 'Nam.  Honeycutt Marshalling Yard, Fort Bragg, NC.  River Terminal, Fayetteville, NC.  DAK, Americas, Cedar Creek Rd., NC.  Milan Yard, Fayetteville, NC.  Downtown where the Aberdeen and Rockfish, the N&S, and CSX-T SHARE a small switching yard.  Take your pick.  Trains galore, and it begins at 5:00 a.m.  Most people think I am crazy, but musicians are more sensitive to sound and thus low frequency vibration.  Sound is vibration.  How about sound and vibration you can't actually hear?  Oh yea!  Conspiracy.  No, the root cause of many illnesses still yet undetermined.  Undetermined.  Enough of that.  I feel like shit thanks to this.  My sleep pattern and thus happiness are relegated by rail companies.  Here comes another wonderful flying apparatus now.  At least I can hear and maybe see them.  I am reflecting on the history of America.  That is stark and painful at most.  Slavery.  Racism.  Enough of that.  I am reflecting on the philosophy of America.  For what do we stand?  Does anyone know?  Can anyone say?  We are imperious.  We have gone to war for South Korea and South Viet Nam.  We have gone to war for and against Iraq and for Afghanistan.  We fought the Spaniards.  We fought Mexico.  We fought the British.  We fought ourselves.  When did America lose track of her charter and the Constitution?  When did we lose track of our Declaration of Independence?  Now Americans should be declaring their independence from Washington, DC.  I can't think of one mission statement from Washington that remotely is related to the charter of the United States.  Build a border wall to keep out Mexican immigrants?  Please.  Washington, DC imports the majority of drugs into the U.S.  Washington created ISIS and all of its preceding factions.  We are at war with ourselves, because the defense industry is raping Americans.  They have to create altercation to justify their industry, an industry of war.  I have a simple question.  Does anyone in America truly believe that our armed forces, if asked, would support the American people over Washington, DC?  In Washington is their chain of  command.  Their jobs are dependent upon W., not Bush W., but Washington W.  I am surrounded by the military on all sides.  While I do not scorn them, I cannot trust a body of individuals how are indoctrinated to take orders from a chain of command originating in W., especially with Dump as the Commander in Chief.  What evidence do we have as a nation that our armed forces will or are capable of protecting the American people domestically?  By domestically I mean on our native soil.  In America.  Here.  Would we need hundreds of thousands of troops and munitions.  Simply put, neither the police force or the United States military have been able to protect innocent black men or our school children from genocide.  That is not comforting.  When is the last time you can remember when the military was engaged in a domestic dispute?  Kent State?  What happened?  The National Guard was deployed and they killed innocent protesting college students.  What happened in Waco, Texas?  The most recent memory we have of any issue on a domestic level was 9/11.  Hundreds of local police and fire fighters swarmed the twin towers and were killed in its collapse.  That was and is a tragedy.  Was it smart?  You can live or die, and some choose to die in blind allegiance to our flag.  What history of success does America have in protecting her people?  Islamic suicide bombers infiltrated American air space and flew planes into the World Trade Center towers.  This would not have happened if the original W. had not been President.  Our most recent history has been the most incompetent politicians have been elected President.  What does this say about America?  We have lost faith in the system?  No one cares enough to vote?  Party specific gerrymandering has run rampant.  Our court system has become partisan and corrupt?  Dump won the American Presidency losing the popular vote by three million votes.  How is this possible?  What is the electoral college, and who are its representatives?  Is it fair?  The answer is unequivocally, "No" if Dump won the Presidency.  Luckily the stench of this corruption is noisome, and local state attorneys have caught wind.  Lawsuits have been filed, and the Democratic National Party is rallying its troops.  We need this.  I don't trust this nation.  I can't have blind allegiance to a nation which in my lifetime has not proven its honesty and value.  Our political system now elects representatives who represent only themselves.  Somehow the governing body of America has become its own entity no longer representing those that attempt to vote for them.  The system has become so corrupt that citizens have turned their cheeks.  Downward has America spiraled.  It is difficult to find anything good about America.  We cannot protect our own school children from genocide. 

Growth for the Sake of Progress

There are a lot of questionable professions in America.  Certainly the most questionable is that of a Wall Street Broker, a yuppie sitting in an ivory tower buying and selling companies.  Never have I really experienced this phenomenon until now.  You must be older to have seen some things like your hometown being whored out like a two bit hooker.  Oops.  What did I mean?  I mean at a certain point in life, a particular generation has something to say.  This is not new.  It was quite a while back when unethical Wall Street brokers began breaking America's balls.  Suddenly pensioned long time employees not far from retirement were cast out with nary a thought.  Devoted, diligent, loyal employees who had been working at companies for twenty-five years looking forward to a reasonable retirement income were flicked aside with the fickle middle finger of an up-and-coming Wall Street broker.  How is it possible that a small faction of wieners somehow became entrusted with the lives of American workers?  Who gave these men the right to terminate valuable employment and their pensions so they could make a buck?  It is unconscionable that what is purportedly the "Greatest County in the World" has empowered such an undeserving few, Wall Street wieners.  Dicks.  Pricks.  Cocks.  Assholes.  What kind of Congress could adjust legislation to allow such a peanut gallery, a theater of the absurd, or a pack of entitled trust fund babies to control the economy of America?  Hank Paulson?  John Snow?  What kind of country disrespects here citizens, turns on them, and tries to annihilate them with covert biological weapons, biological weapons that are so obvious that no one seems to notice.  The "Bird Flu."  "Flynt, Michigan."  Chemours.  Cancer.  There is no need for WMD.  They all ready exist in mother nature.  All evil has to do is discover and use them.  We have been poisoning Americans for decades, probably centuries.  Cleaning solvents released into the earth.  By products of nuclear energy production.  Tailings from chemical plants.  Why don't we collect the feces and urine of farm animals and spray it on our crops releasing it into the air for precipitation to carry hundreds of miles.  Welcome to "Hog Alley."  Welcome to North Carolina, one of the fastest growing states in our union.  My question is, "Why do we need to grow?"  Adults stop growing.  Eventually they have a say.  Eventually they get to stop being parents, and if America were operating correctly then they could live the rest of their lives in security, peace, and happiness.  That is not the case.  North Carolinians in particular are subject to unwanted growth.  The last thing I need is new growth, a growth on my back, a growth on my lung, a growth in my liver, or new foreigners in our town.  I am not anti-immigration.  The majority of immigrants during America's formative years were not Mexican.  Probably they were not Asian, while there were some "Coolies" working for plantation owners.  At that time these cultures were viewed as inferior and thus subservient.  Ouch.  "Put them wet backs and Coolies to work!"  The history of America is not pretty, and we continue to disguise what really is happening today.  It is the same.  Why do we need growth, if America still was operating efficiently?  She isn't.  That is why we need "growth."  Growth.  Growth is real estate developers coming into long standing North Carolina towns and buying up every available parcel of land.  With very little respect for their historical infrastructure, such as Fayetteville, buy up every parcel of land and develop it.  Put whatever new thing you see fit there and call it growth.  Katrina may be the best example.  If its Ninth Ward was destroyed, a low income region populated with ethnicity, why not replace it with LUXURY housing?  Let's venture to downtown Fayetteville, a drug-infested, low income, ghetto and build LUXURY condominiums.  Yea!  Great idea.  So has it been for ages.  Let's draw an economic line of demarcation so stark and insulting that no community could survive it.  Let's build the "Gold Coast," an upper class neighborhood directly adjacent to Savoy Heights.  Built a wooden fence to separate the two.  Let's build LUXURY housing in New Orleans in a place that once was the home for everyone.  Our coast, other than having become a military zone for practice maneuvers, has succumbed to the same ill.  Take our formerly down home, rural, and grass roots coast line, a coast line defined culturally by Pat Conroy, and destroy it and build LUXURY townhomes for the rich to visit a few weeks a year.  There is something wrong with that, and Eminent Domain created it.  That little nugget of W. created legislation not only allows the government to take your property for public use, but allows it to take you property for private enterprise.  This legislation is so Socialist, so Communist, it makes Obama look like Mother Teresa.  Socialist?  Barak Obama was not a Socialist, and those shouting such are thing are the stark raving mad culprits.  Looking for the enemy in America, looks at those shouting from atop a soap box.  Communism has found its way into America, and it began with  W.  We do not need to look for terrorism in Iraq.  Iraq only was a diversion to keep the American people distracted from Wall Street.  My question is, why not build affordable housing?  Why does it always have to be LUXURY?  I hate luxury, sterile furnishings, stiff fabrics, fake prints, and establishment.  If anyone were to take a moment and look at humanity, the human cause, and happiness they will see that the life that has been created in America is the antithesis of instinctual, loving, and thoughtful living.  It is shallow, short-sighted, and unfulfilling.  That is because the few simple things that we need to by happy are not high dollar, like sterile furnishings, stiff fabrics, take prints, and establishment.  The faction has worked long and hard to make us believe these things have value, like an iPhone.  The value of commodities.  That has been the ruse of Wall Street for the last two decades.  Make America think their commodities are valuable and thus devalue things that have real value like music.  Is it implausible that these grass roots things, textiles, furniture, crafts, music, and agriculture may once again be understood for their innate value to human beings.  Believe me in the near future they will.  When hellfire rains down on earth and when solar flares destroy our network of satellites, priorities will be reordered.  The physician who bet against the American economy in 2008 all ready knows this, and he has made his choice.  Potable water.  Take a good hard look at who is polluting our water, and why it may become more valuable in time.  Our campaign slogan.  "Let's destroy it and sell it to them."  I think real estate developers must be the lowest scum on earth.  Again my question is, why do we need growth.  If our system was working the way it always has been, then we would be in good shape.  Then came "Globalization."  Wall Street and Bill Clinton sold out the American people for the American people.  He got himself elected, and empowered Wall Street to raze America.  We will not recover. 

The "Faction"

I think best when I am sleeping.  For me sleeping is a rarity.  Sleep is what allows your body's immune system to operate.  Sleep also is when short term memories are turned into long term memories.  Sleep deprivation is a common tactic of torture.  Not much more is necessary.  Deprive any sane human being of sleep, and they will be reduced to vapor in a few days.  I cherish sleep when it comes, even if it makes me tired during the day.  I think best when I am sleeping.  My first thought is what an arrogant ass Quincy Jones is.  Yes, he is rich because he produced "Off the Wall" and "Thriller."  This and only this is what catapulted Quincy Jones to celebrity.  A competent arranger and composer who represents the African-American film aesthetic does not a celebrity make.  His work in film is worthy of praise, and in his own words scoring the music for "The Color Purple" created a nervous breakdown for him.  Film music in general does not create celebrity.  Film music in particular is a sleeper.  While John Williams continues to promulgate this ripe venue for musical expression, most film composers dwell in public obscurity.  Q. does not.  Q. now is a celebrity, and he dated Ivanka.  [sic]  What bothers me in his most recent interview is how dementia manifests itself.  He and Donald Trump officially are geriatrics.  Dementia in my experience only is an extension of the normal and reasonable irrational outbursts of frustrated people.  Women in my experience seem to suffer from this more than men.  Even if I have been tortured with lack of sleep, am suffering from withdrawal from alcohol, or just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, never do I lie.  Never do I make up stories to justify my current state of being.  If I feel like crap, then I have no reason to project it on anyone else.  It won't help.  I know this, because I am an educated person.  Immature people do this.  Women in my experience also do this.  It is a woman thing.  "You eat too much."  "You left the freezer door open."  In reality it is you who eats too much or left the freezer door open, and in the geriatric mind saying it out loud no matter if it is the wrong person, solidifies the concept.  You get used to it.  Oldspeak.   You did this.  You did that.  Just think of it as vice versa.  Quincy said some brazen things that are laced with dementia and braggadocio.  He is not unlike Miles Davis or Wynton Marsalis.  Miles may not have been a racist, but listening to his words may make you feel that way.  He was the same as Q.  He (they) say what they think, but everything they say is not necessarily true.  That is a stretch for me, listening to lies.  If anything I have learned in my life it is to be truthful.  Humanity seeks the truth, because truth provides righteousness.  Truth cuts through the B.S., the ever piling B.S. of our society, and provides a path to justice.  That justice depends on our system of justice in the United States, and in recent years those processes and representatives have fallen prey to the full hand of lobbyists.  That includes SCOTUS, a pop culture acronym for the Supreme Court of the United States.  They no longer are that supreme.  Instead they are bought and paid for like the rest of Washington.  I can't be surprised if in my lifetime every single principle I have learned from a quality public education would be challenged by a lop-sided, nepotistic, sociopathic Washington.  Truth no longer reigns in our society as a virtue.  Instead the accumulation of wealth is held in high esteem.  I would like to suggest among many other things on my mind, that the longer that money sits laundered and sheltered in Grand Cayman and Swiss banks, the more is depreciates in value.  Capitalism is based upon the exchange of money.  Money freely must circulate in a series of trades to be valuable.  For it to maintain worth, it must be traded.  I don't mean on Wall Street.  Suits in New York towers at the top of the food chain with no penchant for middle America have no chance of success.  The numbers game, in Capitalism, in based upon actual currency.  Currency must be traded, and it must be traded for worthy goods.  The operative word here is worthy.  Is an iPhone worthy?  Is it worth something other than to pop culture adolescents who have been brain washed by American television advertising?  The answer is of course not.  An iPhone is not worth anything, and yet Tim Cooke has made Apple one of the worlds richest companies.  It defies logic and Steve Jobs' vision.  Has Apple contributed to American Capitalism other than exploiting it for its own gain?  Again the answer is of course not, just like Bill Gates has not contributed to American Capitalism other than taking from it.   The rest of the country, the majority of Americans are poor and just getting by.  The Middle Class quickly has disappeared, because Washington is controlled by the lobbyists of big money.  Big money is the new God.  America will fall when Jesus makes his second appearance on earth, or it will fall sooner.  Jesus may all ready be here with Satan, and that I believe.  At first I thought Satan was in W., but then it just keeps going, getting more corrupt and absurd.  For money to have value it must circulate.  The longer Apple's money sits sheltered in overseas accounts, the more it loses value, because there is no Capitalism occurring to reinforce its worth.  Wall Street is not enough, and we have seen it fail time and time again.  Still Washington does not learn, and our recent Congress wants to ease banking regulations enacted to watchdog the wrong-doings of Wall Street which are rampant.  Until this regime is extruded from the White House, America has no chance.  The smell of the rotting money of Apple's is no surprise.  There are so many possibilities of righting wrong.  "Fight Club" had its solution, and perhaps it was not a bad one.  "V" had its solution, and perhaps it was not a bad one.  God has a solution, and it is predicted in the Book of Revelations.  Fire will come from the sky (a comet), and fire will bellow from the oceans (volcanoes).  God will appear and those who have accepted Him will be resurrected, the living and the dead.  The rest, those currently controlling America, will be left on the smoldering earth with their worthless money to fight for their lives in the scenario only they have created.  If they had accepted God as the savior of humanity, then they would have had a chance at immortal life.  Instead this faction has chosen the short life on earth as their torch.  That is human culpability, the things about which Jesus taught during His time on earth.  America systematically has attempted to eradicate God from our consciousness against the wishes of our Founding Fathers.  They knew that God was key to a successful nation.  I would assume all of our Founding Fathers are turning over in their graves, and it won't be long before another civil or revolutionary war transpires.  For money to be of value there must be commodities of value.  Those commodities all ready have been defined in American society.  No matter how Tim Cook tries, Apple cannot redefine the needs of Americans.  They can try.  They can produce misleading advertising, such American car commercials.  They can produce brainwashing propaganda and sell it to theaters to play before feature films.  These films by the way no longer are actual films.  They are digital renderings, and the conversion to digital has enabled Big Brother to interject its own message in a venue once reserved for artistry and anti establishment political activism.  Corporate monopolies always have been unhealthy, and yet systematically America has lessened regulation allowing these awkward, top-heavy, pork-laden grease pots to fester.  It won't be long before Big Brother is ruling America, and it will be by Mother.  If the money in overseas banks does not begin to flow again back into America and to the middle and lowers classes, we will die.  The faction that who has chosen this short life as their torches will meet Satan and continue their hedonistic lifestyle in Hell.  It is unfortunate but not surprising that in my lifetime I am forced to reckon with this ill.  Perhaps it occurs in everyone's lifetime, but one does not see it until they get older and are not engaged in the requirements of early life. When you get older you have nothing to lose.  Retirement.  Over fifty percent of Americans have none.  What do we have to lose?  The commodities which built America are the same, and they are not the iPhone.  They are food, clothing, and shelter.  They are goods related to the human experience.  They are amenities which make life livable.  Q. spoke like an arrogant ass, much the way Miles sounded when he talked.  Then I learned to take what they say as braggadocio.  Miles said in an interview he never suffered, and yet he kicked heroin cold turkey in a room over his father's garage.  Q. said he dated Ivanka.  Q. said the Beatles were terrible musicians, but if you compared the Beatles catalog to The King of Pop's, why did Michael by the Beatles catalog?  Studying with Nadia Boulanger does not in itself make you a musical scholar.  Yes George Gershwin and Herbie Hancock also studied with Ms. Boulanger, but no longer does that ensure you will become a celebrity composer such as George Gershwin.  Evidently Q. feels he has arrived.  "Everything I have done has been stellar," he said.  That is some ego.  The jokes on you when you go back and listen and realize it was not.  He made you listen and pay attention, but that will not sustain the test of time.  American advertising and the faction controlling America could take a lesson in longevity.  The earth is meant to provide for the populace, not just your greedy asses. 

The Dump Show

The B.S. is so absurd, we can't watch anymore.  Know when you watch the evening news on television or read the news on the web, approach with caution.  Skepticism is besticism.  The Socratic Method should apply.  Approach with disdain or even contempt, because like telemarketing calls interrupting at dinner time, likely it is spam.  There is accurate news to be read on them internets, but now one must ripple through menus to find it.  The top hits are chosen by the Big I's.  (The big internets)  They have learned to manipulate data to sell advertising.  Big whoop.  How can a free program be worth billions?  Oh yes, by being bought and paid for by the mob.  Nothing new about that.  Now is Russian.  The mob left New York City at Rudy's behest and went East.  Being bought and paid for by the mob is nothing new.  It is common.  Not unusual for an American company to sell out to the mob for $$$.  Rex got fired for it.  "The Russians were responsible for the nerve agent attempted assassination attack in the U.K.  Mr. Secretary said it, and Mr. Putin said, "Rex has to go."  Plane and simple.  Simple and thimple.  Planes going down.  Mr. Tillerson's went down in the most disrespectful way, just like Dan Rather.  It's abhorrent.  A notable public figure and scholar, a lifetime of reputable achievement, and in the great American way the establishment hobbles them.  They go out with broken ankles until enough times passes that they may forget.  It hasn't happened with Dan.  Brian was there in the helicopter.  The establishment is fickle.  Mr. Tillerson bowed out with respect, something not shown to him by our resident.  He's not a President.  He is a resident of the shite house.  (By the way  Steely Dan sucks)  Not really, but that is a funny post.  Chic went out of the Disco craze overnight.  It's funny how the establishment can choose the winners in the losers, except for Roy Moore and apparently Mr. Saccone.  The Democratic Party is becoming energized, and it is wonderful.  They wanted $100.00 from my mother.  Everything that comes out of Dump's mouth is prescripted spin.  Who can listen?  We are approaching the boiling point, the point where American society, our country, will regress to its former conspiracy.  Oh, conspiracy to own slaves who work for free.  The rich own everything and run the show.  All ready we are there and have been for a long time.  Each time I hear of yet another rate hike by Duke Energy, PWC, insurance, or taxes, Americans are forced further into poverty.  How can anyone justify any kind of rate hike?  Wages for Americans have been stagnant largely because of the absence of union activism.  With stagnant wages, each rate hike forces us further into poverty.  When the poverty becomes so severe and working people are desperate, action should be taken.  Not that long ago Sinn Fein and the IRA were in the Reuters News Summary.  Now that Rupert and Warren control the news, any news suggestive of positive change and its origins is stifled.  That is Big Brother.  Michael Collins would walk the streets with the big men, the Big I's, and when someone stepped out of line, insulted the people, or was patronizing and indignant....  Justice.  Trump walks around like no other President having forgotten history.  Because he is the mob, he is not worried about a contract.  They protect him.  It would be so easy, and yet each and every day we are insulted by this orange-headed Alabama Governor selling Pappy O'Daniel's flour.  It will go down in history if America survives.  Trump is just a show.  That is all Trump ever wanted, to be on television.  Let him run amuck with his pubescent hi jinx while the real damage is being done via Wall Street.  I didn't intend to slander the D.  I decided to empty my mind of all of the absurdity that is transpiring.  Every day a new insult, like no on in America pays attention, distracted by their own meager lives.  No future, no money, no happiness. 

Vast Barren Wasteland

Quietly the news subsides.  Record breaking high temperatures in Fayetteville receive nothing from local news broadcasts, because their news like everyone's is bought and paid for like the Associated Press.  Bill Bowman did an authoritative article on the  Fayetteville Observer.  I need to read it again.  His publication is the Up and Coming.  Folks in "The Ville" (Da Ville) thought it would never fly, but it sprouted wings and has become better rag journalism than the Observer.  I think the Observer is capable, but their veteran writers are fleeing.  (or else they are being let go)  They publish my Letters to the Editor, and I am grateful.  I don't like the assembly line news they publish chosen by a mother company that owns seven hundred other newspapers.  Certainly Big Brother or their shell company owners tell them what to print.  How can record breaking high temperatures not make the news?  2017 was the hottest year on record, and 2018 will surpass its record.  Global Warming is nothing other than man run awry with capitalist industry.  There is no greater example than Da Ville.  Da Bragg, and it is nothing to Bragg about.  Record breaking heat.  Eighty degrees Fahrenheit in February, and not one news broadcast has anything to say about it other than casual chuckles and jokes about an early Spring.  I must digress.  Our plants are so confused, the entire yard is blooming in February.  When the cold snap hits again, and usually snow during the first weekend in April, the foliage will get damaged by the freeze.  Their what should be pretty green leaves will be marked with brown for the rest of the Spring and Summer.  Last year was not a good year for hydrangeas.  The year before was.  Last year they were damaged by the late freeze after record breaking high temperatures caused by carbon emissions.  Trump covertly has unzipped the fly of the EPA and exposed its taint.  Taint doing nothing.  Jeff Sessions, our Attorney General, has made it a life long career of suing the EPA.  Why is he our Attorney General?  Al Gore's attorney, the one that represented him in the Florida court case against W., (and they lost) has filed suit for infractions in our Electoral Colleges.  They are controlled by individual states, and they are being manipulated just like voting districts.  Legal representatives of Chemours are using the courts and politics to try and slide their carcinogenic emissions under the rug.  The EPA has not designated Gen X as a known carcinogen.  Republicans are so adept at manipulating the courts with our laws.  Congressmen write the flawed legislation with back doors cemented in.  The Republicans slide in those back doors on the down low before anyone knows what is happening.  Duke Energy is trying to slide out of their responsibility to clean up their own coal ash.  Why have they not been doing this all along?  It is because Bill and W. have eased regulations on industry.  The Donald, with his pasty, emotional, defeated self lies straight to the American people.  A pathological liar, our president.  Not President.  They are such amateurs.  At least Ronnie was a professional actor.  The fine for Duke energy also was a record breaking high.  One hundred million, and quietly Governor McCrory decreased it to less than two million.  I shouldn't criticize our FEMA Director.  They committed to reimbursing Fayetteville for hurricane damage.  Our dam, Mirror Lake, is owned by the city of Fayetteville.  They are responsible for rebuilding it.  FEMA consented to pay for it, but that meant a two year waiting period for the money.  The Donald diverted our hurricane relief money, because Houston and Puerto Rico took precedence.  Okay.  Our dam still has not been rebuilt one year and four months later, but a thirty million dollar baseball stadium is being built in our downtown.  They really need to sell those over-priced condos.  Our dam sits in decay as the street threatens to collapse.  One more strong Spring storm and it will disintegrate.  The spillway is still in tact.  I remember when they rebuilt it.  It is a strong concrete affair.  It still works, but the dirt washed out from under the street behind it.  The City Manager says it has to be torn down and completely rebuilt to FEMA standards.  What's the hold up?  On the agenda for the City Council and Mitch Colvin is not our dam.  The streets of Greenwood homes are smooth and wide, freshly paved and beautiful.  Vanstory Hills?  Westchester Drive is laden with pot holes so deep your car suspension jolts your kidneys out of your back.  I have a chest infection but no antibiotics.   You can score heroin, crack, or tea on the street, but I can't find a doctor who seems to understand medicine.  The downside is the United States is the world's leading economy but the world's biggest shit hole.  A vast barren wasteland of toxic emissions, but the money rolls in. 

Flank

So you huge douche bag.  Whether you be a surveillance engineer, via hob nob satellite bratalite, an Army plebe stuck in a funnel, a munnel, at the Bunnell, a fag in a hag Army private in a tunnel at Fort Fag Hag, a CXS-T schmindimeer, a fulkaney, a Dulkaeny, a puse a laney, a Dandy.  Alot of them around.  Dandies.  Dandilions.  Fock off you buse toff.  Listen.  Listen, and hear.  Me.  I hear you.  Your buse oft.  Your noise.  Your huddled masses, flem bashes, seeking to empower ISIS.  (not)  The NRA, the huddle masses of rich, white, weak, limp-dicked old men with money.  Afraid and scaring old women.  Listen to me, you cheese winded fock, weak fart jack hag. M.f.  Get out of town, M.f.  Maynard Ferguson.  Jim Ferguson.  Dimm Simmerson.  Dank, on the wank.  When I find toi.  Moi, will?  Thwart, your wart on your dak.  Shack. 

Ain't LIfe Grand in Fayettenam?

I sit in my room, I sit on a shelf, like an elf.  Delphi.  Smelt.  Smells like fish.  Smells like rendering animal fat.  Smells like cat chow.  Funk, and not the good kind.  Smells.  I sit in my room, and it hovers all around me.  Funk.  Electrical funk.  Acoustical funk.  Not the good kind.  For the period of one month, funk, for the period of one month, we, the underprivileged are inundated with funk.  Electrical funk.  I have not been able to work in my home recording studio because of the funk.  I call it the Fayetteville death ray.  It is on right now.  The first time I experienced the Fayetteville death ray I lived in Cow Town.  (Columbus, OH)  Ohio I say.  I lived five hundred miles up the road in the Midwest, but I could feel the Fayetteville death ray as clear as a bell.  (That doesn't make sense, but neither does the world in which we live today)  I could feel the Fayetteville death ray.  I was evicted from my apartment for threatening my neighbors.  First when I moved in the maintenance crew did not torque down the sink trap.  I bumped it with my popcorn bowl, and it moved just enough to allow the water from my sink drain to pour underneath the unit.  Straight through the cabinet floor underneath the unit.  In a week or so that rogue water accomplished something.  I don't know exactly where it went, but suddenly the subflooring of this apartment came loose.  Now when I walked inside there was play in my floor.  It was like a trampoline.  The inside floor of my apartment was a trampoline, and now when my neighbors walked around my floor moved.  I'll repeat that.  When my neighbors walked around next door, my floor moved up and down.  It made me sick, and I wrote them a letter asking them if they could take it easy.  They were not sympathetic.  They did not understand that water had been flowing from my sink to the underneath part of my apartment for over a week.  Where was that water going?  I complained to the management, and they came and went into the crawlspace.  Clearly I heard them say, "He has a leak."  Then promptly they boarded up that same crawlspace, so no one else could take a look.  The denied any damage to the subfloor.  It was a gymnastic event, living on a giant trampoline with three people next door competing.  I've never felt so sick.  I complained to no avail.  They denied any damage, so I put the rent in an escrow account downtown.  This did not go over well.  Before the apartment manager could get her rent, they had to attempt to make a repair to the floor.  They did not.  Instead she evicted me and turned me over to the FABCO collection agency.  She also gave my personal information to a telemarketing company, so the junk mail just began flowing.  It took a while, but I used Legal Aid.  They negotiated a bargain with FABCO, and got her request $1,400.00 down to $400.00.  Promptly I paid the debt.  It now was reasonable.  She had trumped up the fees including replacing linoleum in the kitchen where my piano's wheels had made ruts.  I asked her first if it were okay to have an acoustic piano.  She said yes.  I drove all the way, five hundred some odd miles, to Fayettenam  all the while getting closer to the source of my disturbance.  While my subfloor was damaged by the water and possibly cracked, there was another element at play.  It was the Fayetteville Death Ray.  When I pulled up in our driveway, opened the door of my Toyota Tercel wagon, and stepped onto our asphalt driveway there it was.  The Fayetteville Death Ray, not to be confused with Jeff Ray who was a guitarist who attended OSU when I was there working on my doctorate.  Jeffy was hit and killed by an Amtrack train while taking promotional photos for his music career.  Jeff was killed by an oncoming Amtrack train.  How could they not hear this train?  A passenger train traveling over sixty miles and hour, and they didn't have time to get out of the way.  Damn.  Poor Jeffy.  I instinctively knew he would not live long.  I knew it when I met him at OSU.  Jeff would not live long.  He would die tragically, and he did.  It is a tragedy.  I stepped onto our driveway, and I could feel my movement reciprocated in the air.  The air in Fayetteville was pressurized to a point of being animated, only it wasn't.  It wasn't animated.  It was not cartoonish and happy.  It was alive, moving, and angry.  If I pushed on it, it pushed back.  Later I discovered these are the properties of "Standing Waves."  RADAR is a standing electromagnetic wave.  Instead of dissipating into the air they stand.  Acoustic standing waves are created in a variety of ways, and often if there is a reported haunting it is because of an acoustical standing wave.  Standing waves mostly are low frequency, because they have much longer wavelengths and move more air.  Below twenty hertz they become sound pressure rather than audible sound.  Vic Tandy can tell you a thing or two about standing waves.  He has studied them.  Later I came to understand what causes this pressurization in our air.  We are lucky to be at the crossroads.  It's too bad I can't strike a deal with the devil and find success in the music business.  Instead at our crossroads we are at a common point for multiple rail freight yards.  Yahoo!  (and not the internet kind)   Multiple rail freight yards.  How, you say, is that possible in the burgeoning megalopolis of Fayettenam?  Easiest answer?  BRAC.  Previously before BRAC there was Bush.  What's worse, BRAC or Bush?  They are about the same.  Bush Sr. invaded Panama back in say 1989?  This is when I became depressed for the first time.  I was living in Columbia, South Carolina.  I no longer was working for the university in their music department, and I was living a Park Place Apartments.  For some unknown reason my mind and my senses shut down rendering me helpless.  After many years of trying and exploration, it only was a few months ago I connected Bush Sr.'s invasion of Panama with my depression.  Able American fighting forces mobilized and descended upon Panama from all directions.  It must of been something.  All of these American military bases bugging out to harass Manuel Noriega, who died only recently about the same time my father passed.  It is fitting I guess.  My depression was from low frequency sound previously that did not exist.  My tuned, sensitive, and artistic inclinations using sound in music were being bombarded by the war chants of Bush Sr.'s invasion of Panama.  AC traction had just come into existence in the railroad industry, and rest assuredly they were going to use it to haul all that military might around the world.  Still they are doing it, and it all originates at Military Ocean Terminal Sunny Point south of Wilmington, North Carolina.  Here in little old Fayettenam we are lucky to be in the cross hairs of multiple rail freight yards.  What you say?  How is that possible?  Multiple rail freight yards?  1.  Honeycutt Marshalling Yard, Fort Bragg.  (Their mainline runs underneath Gruber Rd., where they have built multiple loading ramps to be able to load munitions on the down low.  These are in buildings and go underground to the tracks hidden below Gruber Rd.)  Please correct me if I am wrong.  With BRAC came Ground Forces Command and a plethora of other high profile military commands.  Shit is coming and going 24/7, especially since our Army is a privatized security force for corporate America.  Ask Cheney.  Along with those underground ammo dumps, I'm sure there are a handful of nukes sitting in silos.  All in all it has become a high profile establishment, and little old us are of no consequence.  Who cares if they load trains 24/7 with heavy haul AC traction locomotives, like the Taos Hum transmit low frequency sound and vibration through the ground.  We are so grateful for such a thing.  That is just number one.  2.  DAK Americas.  CSX-T hauls out their polyresin supplies, and evidently N/S switches them.  My Google Maps shows a Norfolk Southern locomotive sitting in their freight yard.  I would wager my left testicle that that old hunk of junk has been rebuilt to AC.  3.  River Terminal.  This is the Aberdeen and Rockfish's piece of cake.  I always ask the question why a shortline railroads engine house is in Aberdeen, but they drive those antiquated rust buckets to our fair town to do their business.  Whore?  10:45 A.M.  Used to be their engineers would blow that infernal annoying horn.  It toddles past our neighborhood, a two stroke turbo-charged outdated diesel engine, to the N/S switching yard on Russell Street.  It is unmistakable, the vibration of this machine.  Always I have said it is like sleeping on the hood of a running eighteen wheeler.  We are so lucky to have this each and every day, an A/R locomotive or two freely roaming around Fayetteville.  Then they drive back to Southern Pines to bed down for the day.  They drive to Fayettenam to do their work, then drive back to Aberdeen.  Convenient set up, huh?  Isn't that nice.  I'm sure Pinehurst appreciates it as well.  Do you're dirty work in "The Ville" and come back to a golfing community to rest.  3.  CSX-T Milan Yard.  They have been putting trains together continuously for one month.  The engines run all night, sitting, idling, just the way Hunter Harrison would have wanted.  That's four, right?  Four discreet railyards, and what is the bonus prize?  If I take a scale and measure the distance to each of these railyards on a Google map, what is the result?  1., 2., 3., and 4. all are about the same distance from our crossroads.  Five miles.  You could have not achieved a better triangulation in high school geometry class.  Assault from all side, north, east, and south.  What's on the west side?  The Normandy Drop Zone.  Ain't life grand, in Fayettenam?