Let's Be Friends

 I am aware it is "Pride" month. Pride will always be the longest distance between two people.  It makes us artificial.  Humility makes us real. - Thomas Merton.  I was having dinner at the Chinese Buffet in town, and I was dining alone.  When I attended The Ohio State University in the 1990's, I became accustomed to dining alone.  I was in a completely new state and city, but why should this limit your ability to enjoy your dinner?  I forced myself to frequent restaurants alone, and most often I would sit at the bar.  They were happy to serve me.  When you are devastated the first time from the big break up having been codependent upon your substantial other for a long time, it takes time to retool your life.  This is such an common everyday scenario.  Love and companionship provide such joy and pleasure, but when they leave...  The chasm, the void is vast and dark.  There will be a point if you chose to survive and continue living, you will change yourself to accommodate the loss.  Most often what that entails is choosing not to love that way again.  I had the love early in my life, and it lasted seven years.  For a long time I continued to believe this kind of love always was possible.  It is not.  Maybe it is an adolescent thing.  Maybe it is a first love thing.  I refuse to concede it no longer is possible.  For me I know it is not, and if you continue to want it for yourself you are creating a world of hurt, loneliness and disappoint.  I like to imagine it still being possible, so that occurs in my mind.  Is it fantasy?  Perhaps, but that kind of intimate, physical, emotional love which may only occur in adolescence is as pure as gold.  I am extremely luck to have had it, and it didn't just happen by itself.  I made it happen.  I had an idea of how I wanted it to be, and I worked for it.  It was almost a full time job this love.  A marriage is the same.  It is a full time job keeping it alive and vital.  I would like to see this kind of personal expression preserved.  The feeling in the film "Endless Love" is in the ballpark.  It is tangible this feeling, and although it is not readily accepted today, physicality has a lot to do with it.  I am pretty fatigued as a sixty year old man being expected to relate to women for their minds only.  May I ask what vessel carries this mind?  The mind is a blob in your head, but the vessel that carries it is equally as important in love relationships.  I am chastised for even thinking in my mind what a beautiful body a woman may have.  This is the age in which we live.  It is a whole.  There is no separation between the mind and the body, accept that you can choose to engage your mind only.  If you do you are negating most of what makes you human, and certainly as a populace we don't embrace that anymore.  Humanity went out with Donald  Trump.  Brutality, narcissism, savagery, and fascism are the adjectives of the Trump ideal.  In the Trumpian dystopia is nothing more than plantation owners working their slaves.  They feel a subservient race should be enslaved and should toil for free for the profit of their masters.  It is nothing other than Jim Crow.  It is not new.  It was what built America, but it was wrong.  We are confused.  I sat in a booth at the local Chinese Buffet, of which we have not frequented since the onset of Covid.  When I looked up my view was a lesbian couple sitting next to one another.  they were young and I guess in love.  The dominant partner really exhibited the persona of a Latina gang banger.  You may have thought "she" was a man.  She acted like a man, and more unusually than men treat women, she was dominant over her partner.  This is a recurring theme in Fayettenam.  I see it all the time, militant, feminist, lesbian husbands determined to control their female partners.  On many of the cruise lines it is the homosexual men who wield this control over the heterosexual women.  They will do anything in their power to keep a heterosexual man from approaching a straight woman.  It is called "Cock Blocking."  I didn't have time to fight the "Gay Mafia" at sea, but I would not choose to cross the husband in this lesbian couple.   She was angry, violent, and protective of her charge, not unlike a Mexican cartel operative steeped in violence to control territory.  I ate in peace, and this was my TV.  Young people have yet to grow into adulthood, and as such they are separatist and rebellious to authority.  I expect too much as an ex college professor that young people could step out of their personal intimacy needs and actually engage in society.  That is the kind of juvenile love of which I spoke.  Over the years I learned to change my perspective.  I realized it is not rational for a husband or wife to be able to satisfy all of their spouses needs.  They need other friends.  Pick what is most important to you for the basis of the relationship, agree on it, and carry on.  If you are committed to one another than other people should not be a threat to their marriage.  They will be an asset.  They will provide diversity.  They will provide variety.  Most couples I see are not this way.  It was a surprise to find out some married couples share Facebook feeds.  Wow!  They use the same profile, so if you are talking to one the other hovers not far in the background taking notes.  Ugh!  I have been admiring a local business professional.  This woman is unique in Fayetteville not only from her look, but from her behavior.  It is what catches my attention.  Bait on the hook, and I can't bite.  I will think about it though.  She is of mixed race, and in the business environment appears white.  When I saw her tonight checking out of our Food Lion grocery store I was allowed to see the other side.  On task she dresses and behaves professionally with sleek business clothing and tended hair.  This is unusual today.  Professional dress is a thing of the past, so I respect it.  She has wide shoulders, a thin frame, and a Jamaican face.  (These women always have been beautiful to me)  Tonight God allowed me to glimpse the other side, and I stood quietly and observed.  How can I explain the feeling?  It was not infatuation, because I am not sexually attracted to this woman, but I do find her stimulating and interesting.  Perhaps it is her personal lifestyle that prompts my interest, and I think it is.  She was with another woman, and they were shopping together.  I can't project if they were a couple, but it is possible.  In this setting the business clothing was gone, and a complete other persona was in play.  This was the surprise.  She was scantily dressed with no brassiere.  Her shorts were so short her cheeks were exposed, so it was an extremely relaxed demeanor suggestive of comfort and security.  She was confident, flirty, and sensual.  My intuition guessed this immediately when I saw her the first time, and as a man naturally I responded.  As a probable lesbian promptly she shut me down.  In our time in public it is fashionable to dress like this for your partner, but feel somehow other around you should be immune to your affect.  I was standing directly behind her, and perhaps others shoppers would not be intrigued by such a character.  As a man I am.  It is man's nature, and it is natural to him, yet I am chastised for responding this way.  I said nothing to her, because I was not prepared for such an exchange.  Simply I made note of her alter ego, and will remember it when I conduct business again.  To find someone interesting for certain reasons is normal, but to assume they want to have sex with you also is egocentric and short-sighted. Young people who have not matured into adults may have trouble interacting with adults.  The only model they have is their parents.  It is a searing jab to be disrespected by a recalcitrant daughter, when you are not a father.  I am just a single man living in this world trying to get by.  I would say you could have the most satisfying interaction of your life if you tried it.  The millennial generation is separatist, antagonistic, and self-serving.  "Pride always will be the greatest distance between two people.  It is humility that draws us together."  As a teacher and former college professor I only want to talk to young people.  Their parents are protective and controlling, and the children yearn for diversity, experience, and freedom.  "Dancing, eating, and drinking are not holy."  Of course they are not, but you don't do them in church.  Not doing such things would ensure extinction.  This country is confused, and the "Three R's" aren't going to fix it.  It is a humanity problem, and it can't be solved with an iPhone.  

P.S.  I went to get a Covid booster today at Health Pavilion North.  As it turns out I have two more weeks to wait before I can get another shot.  (I am sick again)  Discuss.  With all of that pretense and a gaggle of parched and hungry Canadian geese camped out on the clinic front porch surrounded by their own feces, when I sat down in the waiting area I glanced down and to my right.  There in front of me were the same crocs I had seen last night on the feet of my bank teller.  They upon closer scrutiny were unmistakable.  They were red, white, and blue, and mostly white.  White crocs.  Above the crocs were a thin pair of black legs terminating in a mask staring intently at a smart phone.  I asked myself, "This couldn't possibly be the same women?"  It was only last night at the grocery store I saw these shoes filled by a scantily clad, thin, young woman.  Without staring I came to realize it was her, again.  Was I stalking her?

Drugs Flying Into Our World

I am going to sleep downstairs tonight, so that the offending Apaches from Tallahassee don't give me a late night sunburn.  I just as soon donate my scalp as to contract radiation burn.  With Sierra Nevada producing such a diverse choice of modular sensor arrays, and L3Harris building them into every aircraft conceivable, your chance of avoiding their scrutiny is nil.  Infrared surveillance is everywhere in the sky.  It is just a matter of who it is.  Elon Musk wants his pie in the sky to the tune of thirty thousand low orbit satellites.  Again I will ask the question.  "Who does one go to to receive permission to fly thirty thousand satellites all around the world?"  When the Donald was President inexplicably he created a new branch of the armed services.  It was called the "Space Force," and we know nothing about it.  It is headquartered at an airfield on the eastern seaboard of Florida.  Meanwhile... Mr. Musk is rocketing is fleet into the sky with abandon, and each bird contains a steerable microwave array much more powerful than the standard transmitter.  It is G5 technology.  Is it a surprise I am getting a tan at three in the morning sleeping in the upstairs bedroom of our home?  More accurately this airborne radiation, microwaves especially, deeply penetrate the skin.  If you have eczema, psoriasis, and a fungal or bacterial skin rash, this radiation will make it worse.  If only could you believe it, Americans are being assaulted from the sky.  If we did realize, it would be difficult to discover who the perpetrators are, kind of like drug traffickers.  They like to fly just above the treeline, under the radar, to most watching eyes.  The names of the LLC's who own these small planes and jets are acronyms or other miscellaneous gibberish.  Purposely they are created to reduce liability for the plane owners.  More likely it is to disguise their identities.  With all of the available drugs in America, it is interesting only the little guys ever are busted.  Those trafficking the volume of lucrative illicit recreational drugs most likely are seemingly upstanding community members.  America is hypocritical at best, and Washington is the origin.  

Rage Against the Machines

I don't enjoy being angry.  It wastes valuable energy and time.  Anger can be a rallying cry, and it does accomplish certain things.  Anger is a base emotion used only in dire situations when rational thought and logical explanation fall short.  Sometimes deep human emotion requires extrication, and this is when anger creeps in.  Anger can be an effective tool, and it can be threatening.  Those who feel threatened can be manipulated, most often children.  Today I was angry, because when I was driving to see my mother I realized the sky was covered in ribbons of jet turds.  I have been watching this for a few years.  Inexplicably to us on certain days, the Fayettenam sky is frosted with Chemtrails.  The first time it was predominant was a week after New Years.  On the news a year later, we heard the source of this lattice work of white lines was a military exercise.  I knew this, because these Chemtrails do not originate from Fayetteville Regional Airport. (Grannis Field)  Instead they fly just above our treeline crisscrossing downtown Fayetteville and its surrounding residential neighborhoods.  We know the 82nd Airborne.  We know bugging out.  We know Cherry Point, Seymour Johnson, and Camp Lejeune.  We understand Pope Field and Simmons Army Airbase.  We also understand military sorties fly "under the radar."   I was infuriated today for another reason, and this reason was in 2011 the Federal Aviation Administration drastically changed traditional flight paths of many major airports.  This change was attributed to their switch from ground-based radar to satellite-based air navigation.  (GPS)  It was rationalized as a good thing, the same way the Norfolk Southern Railroad claims their operations are "Green."  Usually when you see a commercial on TV claiming something, it is because the parties offering the propaganda are corrupt and need positive advertising.  Chemours is an example of this.  They are offering a seemingly heart-felt television ad telling you how environmentally the company is.  The truth is Chemours is responsible for disease and death in hundreds of citizens and have been releasing Gen X and other toxic chemicals into the Cape Fear River.  They are DuPont Jr.  When DuPont was found liable for this activity, they sold off a company to produce a similar chemical with a different name to the China.  It was Chemours.  When someone feels the need to tell you how honest and good they are, it is because inherently they are the evil.  The commercial airline industry took a hit during Covid, and this two year respite from commercial flying largely closed the hole in the Ozone over the South Pole.  Jet exhaust is not user friendly.  It is a major source of carbon emissions.  Chemtrails are problematic and polluting, and these white ribbons in the sky have become more prevalent in Fayettenam with BRAC's decision to move Ground Forces Command here.  On any given day the white in the sky more likely is toxic waste spewed from jet exhaust rather than puffy white clouds.  When I cut my grass yesterday I had difficulty breathing.  Most of us would think Covid 19.  I looked up and the entire blue sky was a gauze of white jet exhaust.  The air was thin, because it was being replaced with carbon emissions.  In 2011 the FAA changed the flight paths, and for the first time in memory flights leaving and arriving at Grannis Field began flying directly over downtown Fayetteville and its surrounding residential neighborhoods.  No longer are they required to climb high into the sky to spare citizens the brunt of these emissions.  Instead in the most insulting and infuriating manner, they take off north and make an immediate left turn flying directly over Fayetteville at low altitude.  This is three thousand feet.  The message being sent is, "Eat my shit.  We don't care about the people in Fayetteville.  Let them breathe death."  This attitude is such a blatantly cavalier, brash, and Trump-like behavior, only can this activity be construed as purposely insulting.  They fly with impunity with their bird flown and spitting into the eyes of those underneath.  Clean air is a necessity for healthy human life, and that no longer exists and Fayetteville.  Most successful middle class citizens have flown the coup in an exercise of "fight or flight."  With this kind of corporate abuse landing squarely in the lungs of local residents, one can imagine the ensuing rocky terrain of of civil war, carnage in the streets, and eventual revolution.  We shouldn't have to deal with such abuse, and Washington and North Carolina have failed again.  It is almost as if corporate America is baiting us for a civil melt down.  It is a shite "Condition of America," when airplanes and locomotives become a human enemy.  It always has been prophesied to be "Rage Against the Machines."  I would rather wait for the aliens.  When we begin being killed by our own the problem accelerates.  

Mishapen Human Sexuality and Its Political Platform

I am going to be bold and write about this, although it is controversial.  It is controversial now, because the Republican National Party is using it as a platform for expression.  Texas, like Florida, is enacting state-wide legislation condemning the LGBT choice, and its accompanying behaviors.  The American governmental system requires a symbiotic relationship between state and federal legislation, and in the recent political landscape under the far right siege of Donald Trump, state governments have begun to unravel and enact unconstitutional and  corrupt legislation.  They are being lobbied and influenced by Trump's machine, and his quest for a communist dictatorship.  Carefully he has planned and implemented a far right assault upon American democracy.  This is not the subject of my blog entry.  The subject of my blog entry is the LGBT "movement."  I have come to realize this "movement" and being gay aren't not necessarily the same.  There are many homosexual couples and singles who do not feel the need publicly to "have pride," "parade," or otherwise flaunt their personal choice of sexuality.  Most people respect the privacy of this choice, and also feel no need to flaunt their own personal choice.  Why would or should heterosexual people expect special treatment from their personal, private, sexual preference?  Consequently demanding both national and state-wide acknowledgement and acceptance of the LGBT lifestyle is unique and unusual.  I have come to believe it is detrimental to our nation.  For Americans as a populace to be expected to embrace an alternative personal lifestyle like it were exemplary is far reaching.  Why?  What is it LGBT people do that demands this special recognition?  More likely this call for acceptance is because of all ready existing discrimination.  The LGBT community feels unsupported and persecuted, so it is this discrimination that is exacerbating their need to protest publicly.  So be it.  Without a better understanding of LGBT habits, it will be difficult for mainstream America to accept this seeming aberrant behavior.  We are in the throes still of discriminating against women and blacks.  Adding LGBT to this list staunchly places this group at number three.  It is a lost cause.  The American Constitution and Christian faith suggest all people are created equal, but the LGBT community seems to want notoriety.  Why?  What is exemplary about being gay?  My opinion about what I see in the local LGBT community choosing this lifestyle, which denies a natural physical, spiritual, and emotional connection between men and women, is it is regressive.  It is devolution.  It suggests those choosing this sexual orientation aren't capable of mitigating the male/female dynamic.  We know this inherently is not easy.  The "War of the Sexes" has been around for centuries, but this struggle is the subject of and inspiration for most traditional art.  Most literature, film, and music would not exist if it weren't for the male/female relationship.  It is the crux of the human existence.  Suggesting it no longer is valid is a stretch, and expecting the majority to accept something which seems to offer little in his way is shallow.  LGBT is shallow and mono dynamic, because it excludes half of the human equation.  Choosing to live this way is one's personal choice, but suggesting the world herald this way of life is ridiculous.  "Don't ask, don't tell" ironically was a better perspective.  I will be candid in saying allowing open homosexuality in the United States military was a grievous mistake.  It is an unneeded distraction and threat to the integrity of our troops.  It is an unfair bias which should be absent.  A singular mono dynamic life experience would be limiting.  One only is capable of understanding their own perspective.  Many married heterosexual couples marry someone who looks like them to comfort rather than simulation   I see this often in the married couples I know.  They feel comfort only in looking at a reflection of themselves.   Variety is the spice of life I say.  To me this inability to absorb a  different perspective, gender, and physicality means you require special treatment.  This gender diversity is what the human race has had since its inception in the Garden of Eden with the creation of Adam and Eve.  From my personal experience this connection between man and woman, emotionally, physically, and spiritually is what makes life worth living.  When encountered, acknowledged, and allowed this chemistry can be like magic and can create a euphoria that never will be experienced otherwise.  It is a lost art, and America is not helping.  Yes, we are living in the shadow of heinous sexual harassment by white men like Bill Cosby, Jeffry Epstein, and Harvey Weinstein.  The list goes on, but it does not mean all men are pigs, and it should not discount God's pattern for human interaction.  It has.  The LGBT movement, like the Tea Party, has become an impetus for the victims of these crimes.  Not everyone is a victim, and Americans should not be expected to treat the entire population as victims.  Our local area is rife with militant lesbian feminism.  They are tough, angry, and hateful people,  especially toward "The White Devil."  (white men).  Watching these domineering females demand and keep control of a female mate and her child is sickening.  Once it was called "Penis Envy."  They want to be men, but they were born women.  I, as a middle aged white man, find it infuriating and frustrating that the LGBT community finds it unacceptable for me to be attracted to a traditional female form.  Why would I be attracted to a woman who thinks she is a man?  It has become sacrosanct to relish the difference between man and woman, between masculine and feminine, and between penis and vagina.  I have lived with myself alone for so long, the female form to me is the Holy Grail.  I long for this difference, for this complimentary form, and for the natural connection and intimacy the male/female model performs.  Once America agreed, and our entire lives revolved roughly around this pursuit.  LGBT has changed that, and cable TV now openly ignores male/female romantic and sexual energy.  It is urging us to ignore the naturally occurring "ID," and its attributes.  They are trying to make it vogue to be saccharine, mono dynamic, and bland.  The metaphors of the human "Mojo," defined in physical bodily terms, now are being scorned in favor of generic, nondescript, androgynous blobs.  We are traveling backwards toward one-celled organisms.  Is the comfort offered by shapeless, mindless, and sexless plasma really desirable, or does it simply provide comfort because of it compliance and non resistance?  Throughout history a good fight always was stimulating, desirable, and thought provoking.  Conformity on the most basic level is "Special Needs."  The human race is capable of much more, and we should attempt to rise to this challenge rather than demanding acceptance of mediocrity.  

Toe the Joe

 I have this to say.  Gas prices were this high once before, and it was W.  W. was from an oil cartel family, and because of them and their fallout with Saudi Arabia, the lower Saudi royals bombed the World Trade Center.  It wasn't Saddam Hussein.  Osama bin Laden was a part of it, and he wanted to be the fighting force for Saudi Arabia, but they turned him down.  He became his own fighting force with malice for this country, but it was the lower Saudi's that planned the bombing of the  American Twin Towers.  Saudi Arabia is NOT our a ally.  Change gears.  Rudy Giuliani was conspiring with known mobsters, displaced mafia henchmen, stationed in Ukraine.  The current President of Ukraine is a comedian and actor, not unlike former American President and actor Ronald Reagan.  It is possible he is performing the same task as Ronnie.  He is being puppeted by ulterior forces.  Meanwhile Russia invades Ukraine, and Joe Biden mindlessly is pumping billions of American tax payer dollars into Ukraine.  Meanwhile gas prices have risen for a second time to the highest level in U.S. history.  Meanwhile Joe Biden is pumping billions of dollars into a second proxy Cold War neglecting the American populace.  Instead he is fighting Vladimir Putin.  Shite never has been worse in America.  Joe, what are you doing?  Even the Alt Right, corrupt, Republican degenerate party is calling you a Communist.  This is not good.  We don't like it that you are hemorrhaging American tax-payer dollars to fund Ukraine.  We rather would prefer you to fund Americans.