Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

      I want to know why this Christmas was the hottest on record.  Winter came a few weeks ago, and we really were in the mood for a white Christmas.  Suddenly right before the anniversary of Jesus's birth, what we call Christmas, the wind stopped blowing.  The humidity rose to 100%, and it became the hottest Christmas on record.  It was miserable, Santa.  The Milan yardmaster saw fit to leave two of his locomotives idling on the tracks for a week surrounding Christmas Eve.  One was a DASH 8, and I don't know what the other was.  Why didn't he just turn them off?  Because it was the hottest Christmas on record, there was no need to keep the diesels warm.  Instead of decreasing carbon and infrasonic emissions for the week surrounding Christmas, the Milan yardmaster chose to pollute the little baby Jesus with the warm farts from continuously running diesel locomotives.  How irresponsible was that?  It sucked.  That DASH 8 engine hunted all week revving up and down making my ears ring and my skin scrawl.  I couldn't enjoy the Christmas season at all, because of that DASH 8 running continuously with no engineer or conductor.  It just sat there, running, helplessly all week.  Part of me wanted to spray it with bullets from my AR-15, but I resisted.  (and I don't own an AR-15) There it sat, lonely on the tracks, just running the entire week of Christmas.  Isn't that a waste of fuel, Santa?  I have some other questions too, Santa.  Why does no one report on that big hole in the Ozone over the South Pole?  When I looked at the weather pattern on TV for the hottest Christmas on record, I saw a pattern I never had seen before.  It was not the jet stream coming down from Alaska.  It was not the clockwise rotation of the Caribbean hurricane season.  The air was coming straight up from the South Pole from that huge hole in the Ozone.  I could feel space moving at its great velocity as it broke through that giant hole and found its way north to America.  It was hot, Santa.  I know the oil companies want this.  They want to melt the polar ice caps so they can drill for oil, but can't you stop them?  They talk about global warming and the burning of fossil fuels, but no one ever talks about what actually happens, like that giant hole in the Ozone over the South Pole.  I realize the Navy likes their low frequency submarine transmitters there, but isn't there a better place to burn a huge hole in the Ozone?  In addition to that idling DASH 8 locomotive at the Milan yard, why do they seem to be putting trains together during Christmas either at Ft. Bragg, Sunny Point, or at the Port of Miami?  Isn't Christmas a time to relax and celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus.  Why would America so openly and blatantly disguise this season with terrorist-like assaults? Is it because America has been trying to obliterate Christianity for a decade?  Well Santa, they did a good job.  It was the worst Christmas ever.  I can understand why you couldn't get here on your reindeer driven sleigh.  It was no match for the infrasonic and carbon pollution surrounding our town.  It was miserable, and it still is going on.  When will it stop, Santa, and we will get to see you?  Ho ho ho.   Thank you.  Pasquale.