The Demon of Sleep

I do not sleep well.  Not sleeping well is another issue that I try to ignore.  Also I try to ignore my mother's ensuing dementia.  It is similar to my father's when he had it, so it is not that surprising.  It is just another issue not of interest to me.  The things that are of interest to me are on a shelf in the closet sitting patiently waiting for me to open the door.  I crack that door and take quick glimpses of my life and quickly shut it again.  I do not have the energy to pursue them.  I do not have the energy to pursue them, because I do not sleep well.  Not only are my interests now neatly stored in a closet, the rest of my time is spent fending off the harrowing, tormenting, frightening reality of my environment.  One hundred percent of my time is spent on useless, meaningless, superfluous bullshit.  I am not alone.  America has become a large refuse tank for corporate America who own our lawmakers in Washington, DC.    What used to be the American Dream now is a polluted landscape of deteriorated infrastructure.  Who gives a shit about the common man?  Aaron Copland did, and as one of America's premiere nationalist composers he paid homage to the common man with his heartfelt "Fanfare for the Common Man."  Those days are gone. Only on national holidays are the sentimental strings of patriots plucked.  It is propaganda to empower America's military industrial complex.  It has nothing to do with the common man other than them saying they are fighting for you.  Fighting for what? They are fighting for the elite one percent of the population who own the money.  The days of welcoming fleeing immigrants from tyrannous nations are over.  We have become a nation of white monetary supremacy.  With my gross lack of sleep induced completely by pollution from aircraft and diesel locomotives, I have to remind myself that my interest and appreciation of jazz is furthest back on the shelf.  If I even think about sliding it forward the pain begins.  That surreptitious pain results from a neglected, polluted, deteriorating national history who no longer understand the pleasures of jazz.  Its pleasure is so immediate that the current environment of America strikes it down like a bitch.  The shallow culture of pop music will not allow true happiness to be expressed in music any longer.  God's word, God's intent, and God's christianity once represented in America's music now has been deemed the enemy.  The pleasure that once was experienced because of its existence now is not allowed, because there is nothing to support it.  We have little pleasure left in America except what is sold to us.  If music had continued to be sold to us at a fair market price, it would have continued to provide us with this pleasure.  When I take a fix of jazz music, a pure example of immediate emotional gratification, I experience pain.  That type of emotional gratification has become an anachronism in America.  We have "progressed" as a nation, and like we discarded swing music from the World War II era, we have discarded more of our cultural musical heritage.  The one percent of America's population who own the money cannot produce such music, because it require musical talent.  It requires artistry, talent, and knowledge combined in an expressive and philosophical context far surpassing the sensibilities of Donald Trump.  Often I ask myself why America is incapable of recognizing, understanding, and appreciating the Second Viennese School.  Further I ask why America cannot recognize, understand, and appreciate Modernism.  While Vienna is in the distant country of Austria, Modernism is a recognized concept in America's historical culture.  Of course today we are not cognizant of our historical culture.  That would be empowering to the common man.  Daily I struggle with my existence.  I struggle not to worry, as "The lilies do not worry."  I try to be positive, happy, and enthusiastic about life's possibilities.  Ultimately the reality of life prevails, and its heart wrenching futility commands me to submit.  I must recognize this as the overt concept of human life, or I fail.  God sacrificed His only son for the sins of man.  It was the ultimate sacrifice, one that we as a flock must understand or we will fail.  Corporate America is killing human beings on a grand scale, and the ruse of the medical establishment is hiding it.  While they hide it, they profit from it.  I do not sleep well.  My sleep is disturbed by America's military industrial complex, the railroads, and the FBI.  Covert company after company are flying spy planes over American soil contracted by our Federal Bureau of Investigation.  The violence continues.  How are these planes of use?  Criminals are not being caught.  Murders are not being prevented.  The idea of America's invasion of privacy only incenses   us.  Further because government is intended to serve the people, our surveillance with covert aircraft is unconstitutional.  All of this is because of 9/11.  If George W. Bush had not been president, 9/11 would not have occurred.  There would be no Department of Homeland Security.  There would be no Patriot Act.  There would be no NSA.  Our government would not be spying on the American people in the name of the War on Terror.  It is a ruse, and still it is working in favor of the rich.