The Conspiracy of Modern America

Upon having experienced the worst Father's Day ever, I must reflect upon my state of affairs.  America.  America does not offer much anymore.  While our country purports to offer freedom, we definitely are not a free populace.  We are an enslaved populace not that much different from when Africans were bought and sold at Fayetteville's local Markethouse.  While freedom could be represented by one's ability to roam homeless, symbolically this does not represent the kind of freedom our forefathers intended while penning the United States Constitution.  Freedom of mobility was the idea, and this particular ideal has been quashed in America.  I only can say that millennials have gotten the butt end of the stick.  To grow up in an era with America's worst president only again to to be insulted by the running of his brother for president?  It can't get much worse until Armegeddon.  The Bush's are betting this generation has been too deprived to understand what America once was.  Personally I do not believe the church shooting in Charleston is representative of the sentiment of the American South.  One only has to look in the eyes of Dylan Roof to see the same empty abyss found in Charles Manson, Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, Adam Lanza, and James Holmes.  Until America specifically confronts the ailment which is prompting these young people to commit mass murder, the violence will continue.  It is not a problem of guns.  The availability of guns to adolescents, a responsibility of parents, is of great consequence and should be watched.  America all ready has thrown in the towel on her young people, so why should parents care?  Leadership.  Whence should come leadership in America?  Is it organized religion?  Is it families?  Is it government?  Leadership must come from somewhere, and as long as we continue to pass the buck America will digress further down the uncharted territory of devolution.  There is no mysterious, invisible, unexplained impetus for unrest in America.  It only is being disguised by the ridiculous Beggar's Opera of media.  Once it was fodder America's media had become corrupt.  Now it is fact.  Why is it a surprise when you iPhone is hacked?  If you buy into their ruse or bite on their hook surely you will be landed.  I will admit that withdrawal is difficult.  I again made the mistake of buying into my father's sentimentality.  I had a moment of weakness and decided to share his feelings of loss for his gift of music.  The result could not have been more horrendous. There was no comforting resolve, because, "You cannot go home." While I have heard this adage quoted from time to time, often by my mother, never have I really understood it.  I do now, and my mind is too tired to explain it.  The lineage of child rearing is a long and complex one.  I have come to understand that the emotional connection you have with your parents at an early age is tangible.  It is tangible because they have invested in you and your future.  As you age and mature, your future becomes more of your own affair.  After you become an adult it is not possible to reestablish this bond for logical reasons.  The experiences you both have are related to childhood, not the adult lives of either you or your parents.  To embark down this path dredging up past childhood memories proves only to be upsetting, and there is no need to relive such things.  You must look forward and forget these things.  Even empathy for your parent's eventual death should not summon these falsely comforting memories.  We must move forward, and for children that means carrying the torch forward through the tunnel, not backwards.  Never have I seen such behavior from an adult human being.  Starkly it reminded me of how manipulative my father could be when so inclined.  I will not be privy to it again, nor will I feel any guilt for my father's loss with aging.  I do not enjoy living in his house.  I do not enjoy looking after my mother.  I am doing it because it is required.  To liken my pain from temporarily having lost my personal, emotional, and musical life with my fathers was a complete and utter disappointment.  He shit on me, because in those lonely and angry hours I, as his son, was not worthy to experience the same things.  His feelings were more important.  That is why never again will I recognize his sentimentality nor my mother's.  It is like death.