The Book of Job

Today music is a mystery to me.  Although I have studied it all my life, today music is a mystery to me.  I feel there should be some biblical implication in losing an understanding of one's own chosen vocation.  Is it common for people to reach half a century in age and then forget the previous century?  Maybe it's just a bad memory or too much pot, but I don't smoke pot.  As for my memory, well I can't remember.  I have had ups and downs with it.  Your memory determines your knowledge and thus your academic progress.  When I am focused, I remember fine.  When I am stressed, misguided, and unmotivated I do not remember so well.  Certain things we choose to forget.  It is essential to survival.  If we remembered each and every thing that happened to us, we would be basket cases.  There are specific things I chose to forget, and lately it has been music.  When music began causing me pain, I chose to forget it.  There is no Goddamn reason music should cause anyone pain, but it does.  I had lunch with a former percussionist from the Fayetteville Symphony.  He told me of a frightening performance during the Christmas season where the orchestra bells prominently were featured.  He could not play the written part up to speed, so he practiced it.  Even with the practice he was not capable of playing the part at the tempo indicated by the composer.  The conductor has some say in how fast a particular work will be played, so this particular conductor assured Dale that he would not take the piece at full tempo.  He would slow it down enough so that Dale could articulate the part.  During the performance not only did the conductor go back on his word, the lights went down at the beginning of the concert and a spotlight appeared on Dale's orchestra bells.  His hand was shaking so violently from fear and nervousness, he could not strike the metal bells with his mallet.  What was the result?  From the audiences point-of-view who is to know?  Obviously the part did not get played accurately, but there was drama.  Something else contrary to what the composer intended was injected into this simple performance of a Christmas arrangement.  Was it fair?  Was it fair for the conductor to lie to Dale and tell him ahead of time that he would not be humiliated because he could not play the part up to tempo?  Did the conductor forget his agreement with Dale and simply take the piece at its decided tempo?  In either case negative thoughts were created during the process.  Many young piano students have stage fright.  They walk to the piano at their first recital and simply forget what they are supposed to play.  They sit silently at the piano as the seconds tick by.  It is uncomfortable, because music is suppose to occur.  Crippling neurosis has occurred for the same reason.  It is not common knowledge Van Cliburn opted out of a career touring playing the piano.  He could not handle the pressure.  Pressure. It would seem there is a stigmata in existence related to classical music.  There is a stigmata attached to popular music.  Music is a vocabulary as deep as verbal human language.  In certain ways it communicates more effectively than speech.  Upon listening to people talk today, this is not surprising.  Just as we use a small fraction of our brain, we use a small fraction of the capabilities of the spoken English language.  It is not in vogue.  Music is not in vogue.  Art is not in vogue.  Fashion is not in vogue.  Wireless telephones are in vogue.  Texting is in vogue and is killing people.  Apps are in vogue.  The entire scope of American culture has been reduced to a handheld microwave communications device.  Remarkably communication is at a minimum.  Mother Goose came in and re-wrote American culture so that a two year old could understand.  I have chosen to forget, because everything in American culture that was of meaning conspicuously is absent.  For me the most consequential is music.  Music.  Music is personal communication.  It is personal expression, yet we as Americans must have nothing to communicate.  In our recent history we chose to disagree with the War in Viet nam.  We chose to have an opinion about civil rights.  We chose to question authority.  We chose to enable ourselves with knowledge and thus power.  I am beginning to believe that there is no such thing as pleasure and pain anymore. Everything is one big blur, so we are not compelled to seek the truth.  My biggest fear is not that I will die a painful tormented death.  I have dealt with pain in my life, both physical and psychological.  Psychological pain for me is far more potent.  Something that insists you will not find happiness in your life is a worthy adversary.  It is something to be feared and thus conquered. Eliminating God is a step in this direction.  I chose to forget music, because it has stepped in this direction.  Everything about music that is worthwhile, tangible, and good is gone.  Music used to be the soapbox for the human soul, yet the human soul is extinct.  We have no philosophy.  We have no desires.  We have no dreams.  We have no secrets.  If we did, then there would be music.  There would be music of all sorts.  There would be reggae.  There would be groovy island music that speaks of civil injustice.  There would be blues.  There would be gut bucket music that provides affirmation in the face of adversity.   There would be funk.  There would be music that exorcises the demons from our souls.  There would be jazz.  There would be music that personifies human love and romance.  Evidently we have nothing to say as a culture.  We watch crime shows, we play violent video games, and we eat.  I chose to forget music.