Living on the Street

 The percentage of parental deaths resulting in positive results of their wills must be small.  It has become humorous and anecdotal especially for the television industry, no matter how disturbing it may be to the inheriting family members.  Fighting over the inheritance is common, and it has become a part of the fabric of life.  There are numerous reasons why there is contention in the inheritance process, but the number one determining factor should be eldercare.  For the wealthy this is not such a problem, because the parents will see to it they are cared for.  For what is left over the drama begins, and all kinds of morality tales, rationalization, and he said she said may ensue.  The scenarios are plentiful, colorful, and also destructive.  Why is it so easy for life long familial relationships to suddenly go awry, when some money and property are at stake?  In our situation it is not dissimilar.  Each child may and will have their own opinion about the process.  As eldercare should be the primary requirement of an estate, it should also be understood that inheritors have no privilege of knowing before a parent's death what they are to receive.  The Will is read after the death, and in most cases it will stand.  Any knowledge beforehand of what goes to whom is gratuitous and rare.  The only disparity that occurs is if and when a child decides not to believe the parent's choices.  It could be easier to slander a sibling rather than accept the fate that you didn't get what you wanted.  Reality is the requirement for resolution of this dissent.  In our case the house was the issue.  For two children to inherit a home together it would require either of two things.  One is to sell the property and split these assets, and the other is for one sibling to buy out the other if they wanted to keep the house.  Depending on the current value of the home the latter option may not be feasible.  If a home is worth $400,000.00 in today's market, not many children could come up with $200,000.00 in cash.  If they did they would deplete their savings and end up poor with a home in which to live.  In some states there may be an option to keep the home with two owners, but this often is where the trouble begins.  As our lawyer suggested having co-executors of the Will is not a good idea.  For the children to find resolution while grieving their lost parents would be rare.  This bereavement often is the reason why the first option is chosen most often.  The sheer emotional turmoil, grief, and loss of a family home filled with belongings is too much for most.  Instead they choose to sidestep this process of reflection and difficult decisions and leave the family stuff to a qualified estate company who will happily empty the house of its belongings getting it ready for sale.  As it would seem I was the dissenting 1/3 who did not want this process, an estate sale and being forced to sell a house because of an inability to process the emotions attached to the history of the home.  It seems like dumping a stepchild without giving them a chance.  My opinion was not a part of my mother's decision to will me the house.  She looked at our family and made a sound decision that the best use of the property was for me to have it for what it offered as a domicile.  Most people would agree with today's housing market, having property is best.  Of course the monetary value of the home is appealing, but that is for someone who does not need a  home.  In our particular situation these arrangements were made over twenty years ago.  As things changed and my father developed dementia and had to be placed in a nursing home, the necessity of having to sell the house to satisfy the preexisting will became burdensome.  When my father died in 2017, the house became my mother's house.  That was a change, and she made her own decision about her house.  Unfortunately it meant that the Will had to be changed.  This was not a problem, but surprisingly documents were penned at the same time reinforcing this original decision to split the house.  Suddenly they came back from the dead and an attorney involved in the original Will produced these documents and filed them before my mother could say otherwise.  It took all of a half an hour her drive to the courtyard to file these antiquated documents.  It was not what my mother had chosen, and she was taken advantage of.  After understanding what had happened, and that another opinion was usurping her own right to choose what to do with her own house, she decided to change it.  I will say after graduating college at UNC-Chapel Hill, watching this change take place was the most difficult thing I have experienced.  No one wanted to help us, because they were afraid of being sued.  The fact remained the house became hers, and she could do with it what she pleased.  The majority of the scrutiny was not on the ill-timed twenty year old documents that got filed against my mother's will.  The scrutiny was on me, the caregiver and son.  Knowing my mother's stubborness, and her unwillingness to listen to my opinion, it was the most surprising thing that could have happened.