Elder Care and Planning

What is difficult is when your mom wants to come home.  It is after all her house.  Mostly it was my father's house.  He paid for it, but it became hers when he left this earth.  I need to remember that some times.  What I need to remember always is things never will be the same.  That is what aging is.  I never experienced this until now, because I always felt young enough to make something else happen.  Then your family begins to pass away, uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents, and their friends a different reality presents itself.  You are in a different place than the rest of your life, and you have to make changes.  Upon what you relied before does not apply now.  Things never will be the same.  You must have a clear vision of your future plan, and that plan accommodates loss in your family.  My plan included a self-actualized estate sale, but there will be no money exchanged.  There will be no sale at all, but the process of the estate sale occurs.  That means everything your family leaves behind is examined, evaluated, and tasked for its future.  This is a hulking daunting job, and that is why Estate Sale companies exist.  It is too much for most families.  Allowing your family heirlooms to be sold off for a fraction of their value is sacrilege.  I am doing it myself, and it is sad.  You are looking at the loss of a family square in the face.  Christmas decorations, ornaments, and memorabilia.  All of the things that made a family a family.  It is heartbreaking, but it needs to be done.  My mother wants to come home, but it would not be good for her.  Her tenure in the family dwelling lasted until 90.  It was a quality run, but it had run it course.  The day she picked up that forty pound flower pot is the day life changed for her.  Without kyphoplasty she never would have gotten out of bed.  Five broken vertebra later her spine is crooked and weak, and she barely can stand up.  She sits in a wheelchair, and keeping her from falling keeps her alive.  It is the same with my aunt.  Not that long ago she tried to get up and landed on her head.  It is a necessity to keep them sitting in their chairs.  Our house is inaccessible, and no matter how hard we try, there is just no way to make it different.  The most pressing reality is even if she could stay here, it would not be good for her.  There are all kinds of environmental problems, and those include invasive low-flying aircraft, rumbling freight trains (like now), menacing Apache helicopters, and more.  Life is not the same in Fayettenam, and steadily it has gotten worse.  She gets the daily newspaper.  I take her periodicals.  She has television, mostly Turner Classic Movies.  But her room is comfortable, and they take care of her needs.  She gets three meals a day, and they take her to the restroom.  It is an adjustment for sure, but mostly it is in the mind.  If she decides to accept it, then she could be happy.  Always she is consumed with what I am doing, and that is attempting to accomplish the large task of feigning the Estate Sale.  It would entertain her to see it happen, and it did with my aunt.  There is more to it, and that is me.  If I had married and spawned a family, then perhaps we wouldn't care.  It is a difficult decision how to handle elder care.  She thinks the family that sold us the house has moved back in.  I have no idea where she thinks I live.  I'm not sure she cares much anymore.  You plan your work and work you plan and stick to it.  That is what I am doing.  Her home will become turn key, and the prospect of that hassle in my future will dissipate.  I am getting it done now.  Then I can rest.