A Denouement

Rarely where I live because of its environment, am I allowed to actualize my own emotional profile and history.  I taught myself when I moved to Columbus, Ohio how to create my own feelings.  It was a matter of necessity, because the negative feelings of my past had been suppressed (not allowed to actualize) and created depression.  I had to solve this problem, and I did.  I changed my emotional profile.  Today at age fifty-one I have become torn between my past and this newer realization produced by my brain.  When I use the latter I am productive, but I feel none of the emotional fulfillment of my success.  I have disciplined myself to do this anyway.  Usually after a period of days of not feeling anything, usually I break down with the aid of alcohol.  It, unlike the great menace of infrasound, allows your body to feel.  It relaxes you to a point that the proper frequencies of electrical energy and your sensory perceptions are engaged.  These two things, electrical impulses from the brain and sensations on the skin, are important in actualizing emotion.  Usually it comes in a swift gush, a release like crying.  Not always is it sad.  Often it has been.  Currently it intensely is empathetic.  My release of emotion finds an almost narcotic satisfaction of feeling empathy for others in distress.  I have realized this is moral, ethical, and religious conviction.  Strangely enough although I full well know my personal moral and ethical code, this process creates it subconsciously.  I do not have to think about it.  It happens instinctively.  Emotion triggers this.  Emotion.  I have realized if others are the same as me, it is possible their emotional responses also are being thwarted by intense infrasonic pollution.  I spend the majority of my time thinking about how not to feel, because when I do allow myself to feel I realize they are not my own feelings.  They are a compilation of the feelings of others around me.  Not going to happen.  It is unpleasant.  When I am working on ships, sometimes I am able to actualize my own emotional profile and history.  I use it to compose music.  It has been a Godsend.  Because I have not been allowed to actualize these feelings in my social life with other people, I create them myself with the aid of others.  I have found positive vibrations from friends and used them to inspire my own music.  At times I created musical metaphors for these friends.  That process does not occur now, because my affectual psyche is overrun by my environment.   Because of an intense combination of both electromagnetic and infrasonic waves, both my skin and my brainwaves are bombarded with pollution.  Brainwaves are Alpha, Beta, and Theta, and are 8, 10, and 12 Hz respectively.  These are interrupted or overridden by rogue electricity in the environment.  When America's federal government tried to construct the Ground Wave Emergency Network, GWEN for short, a published document proved that transmitting electricity through the ground would be detrimental to everything.  Studies were performed that proved our brain waves would "latch onto" an external bombarding electromagnetic waves thus possessing the power to change both our moods and thoughts.  If the same thing is happening to an uneducated, troubled, and potentially violent youth it is possible with our prevalence of violence in pop culture, they may be failed their own sense of moral and ethical conscious because of this stymying of emotion.  If MY conscience instinctively is triggered by my emotion, and that emotion externally is being suppressed by America's pollution, then someone not intelligent enough to know and remember their own moral and ethical code could commit evil acts if their emotions involuntarily were being blocked.  They in effect are being denied their own social conscious by living in the chaos of America's military industrial complex.  It's a bitch, emotion, and I believe its suppression is what is causing the murderous rampages in America.  A once supportive, positive, clean environment now must be purchased.  Those not as fortunate are left to figure out their own plights.  It truly is sad that more and more Americans are choosing death over life and taking others with them.  It is time to unmask the demon of infrasound and its causative agents, diesel locomotives.  These polluting machines lurk in our neighborhoods 24/7.  With little to no regulation from the federal government because of the Strategic Rail Corridor Network, railroads operate selfishly with impunity for their own commercial gain.  Its a funny little shelter that no longer is funny.  With rail traffic that has grown exponentially since the advent of logistical container shipping, America is bombarded with infrasound constantly allowing no time for a human's emotional psyche to recover.  I believe after months of this unwanted abuse, adolescents break down and erupt in murderous rebellion.  I understand, because consciously I deal with it every day.  It is a struggle.  Deny emotion and become inhuman, embrace emotion and become a tormented soul.  It sucks.