Selma and Animal Chemistry

Selma and I had heat. She was one of the few, if not the only one, that had vibes and hormones raging so violently that we connected at an animal level. We would practice together, but she was always shy about playing trombone in front of me. I’m not sure why that was. Back then she was a flailing graduate student unhappy with her choice of Ohio State. She wanted to play, not study. I liked the way she looked and her body. To begin with we had chemistry, and both of us gave romance a try. The funny thing was, at that particular time she just wanted it. I was still in my semi-despondent, emotionally needy period, so I was looking for a commitment. This as many know is a grievous mistake. The “C” word! When I was a freshman in high school I had the affections of a beautiful young flutist that became interested in me at All State Band auditions. She went to Alexander Graham Junior High, so we were at different schools. For some uncanny reason she took a hankering to me. She would come over to a mutual friends house and ask me to meet her there, which I did. We would lazily stroll up and down the street holding hands, all the while she was wearing the pants. I didn’t know what was going on, but I went along with it. I did finally ask her to go steady, but she replied, “How would we see each other?” Our next year in school settled that, because we both ended up in my father’s band at Terry Sanford High School. Rachel continued to write me notes, until I made that grievous mistake. Who knew those three little words would instantly kill a woman’s interest? I had no idea, so I wrote those words, “I Love You” in really small letters on the bottom of a note I sent to her. She completely freaked out and that was that. No more interest. It was a good thing, because shortly thereafter I met and hooked up with my first true love. That is a story in itself, and I am saving it for later. This story was similar to Selma, because she didn’t want love obviously. I guess at that age girls are afraid of that word. I have always had love in my life with women, and it never was a deterrent of any kind. In the primordial stages of pre-sex I learned to stay away from those three words. Women want sex, not love, or at least to qualify that in a humorous way they want to see if the sex is good first. It is a hypocrisy, but it is better to call a spade a spade. They will tell you they want you to love them first, but it’s not true. Scamps! The common definition is, “Men love women because they have sex with us. Women love men for agreeing to give them the romance they desire.” Simple. No matter how involved you think you may get, don’t stop asking for sex. Just be nice about it. It flatters women to know they are desirable in a sexual manner. Selma was new to the dating world and she wanted to learn. How could I have been so emotionally needy to let a comment like, “I want to learn how to give a blowjob” slip by? Today I would jump at that opportunity. Back then I wanted to be loved. She wanted me to be sexually aggressive, and I wanted love back from her which she was unable to give. Of course, because it was too early to expect that. After having been through so many long term relationships, I just wanted to jump to the middle having forgotten about the courtship period. Our animal chemistry was strong, so strong in fact that we had to postpone practice sessions to walk back to my apartment to be alone. Here we kissed, and I fumbled the ball in a major way. She wanted to have sex, and I was being polite. To this day I regret having passed up that chance. “Sometimes Joel you just have to jump their bones!"