Franz Mueller and the Razzle Dazzle

When I was working for a particular cruise line, I had the displeasure of working with a completely self-absorbed, self-promoting, self-proclaimed hipster named Franz Mueller. Mueller had the hipster beard, the horn-rimmed glasses, and the gray hair making him look like a character out of a Frappacino commercial. I can think of a specific cartoon that looks exactly like Franz, or is it the other way around? A man that looks like a cartoon? He played like a cartoon, because when he got on stage he would have what he liked to call “senior moments.” This is when your brain takes a hike in the middle of a performance. Franz was an anomaly, because there were times when he played inspired Dixieland-like clarinet. Pete Fountain would have been happy. On the other hand when he picked up the tenor sax on what was to be a dance or listening set, anxiety would set in causing him to play the most ridiculous of shite. He qualified it in his terms. “It’s not about what or how you play, it’s about how you present it to the folks.” Bullshite. Excuse me. Let me say that again. Bullshite. I don’t know from whence this ideology came, but I know no serious trained musician that would utter this phrase. “It is not about what songs we play or how well we play them, but about HOW we present it.” Let me quote a now famous Broadway show tune.

Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle,
Razzle Dazzle 'em.
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it,
And the reaction will be passionate.
Give 'em the old hocus pocus,
Bead and feather 'em.
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?
Razzle Dazzle 'em,
And they’ll never catch wise!

That was Franz. Imagine working for a rusty-hinged old fart. Whether the man had talent or not was inconsequential, because he wasn’t looking out for YOUR best interest. He, like many musicians, only are looking out for their OWN best interests. They haven’t learned the fundamental law of business politics, “Make the other guy happy. Help him accomplish something.” That is how you achieve in the world of business. No one cares about your goals, your dreams, or your aspirations. They are too busy assessing their own shortcomings. “It’s all about the money, Jerry!” I’m sorry, but you can’t live a fun life of playing music unless you can really play. This means training, staying in shape, perseverance, and professionalism. Finding these qualities today in a musician is difficult. Likewise finding musicians who have done any study of the historical evolution of music is like finding a needle in a haystack. It is surprising how many young musicians think that music is purely “mojo.” “Got my mojo working!” Of course as I stated in a previous post, the possibility of a “moment” happening during the normal working of vocational skills is wonderful. As a professional you eventually learn these “moments” become more far and in between the longer you work in the music business. When your “mojo” is not flowing you must rely on your skills to complete the job. You learn with the aid of kinesthetic memory how to play in a manner that can replicate an inspired performance. As musicians we can’t be inspired all the time. We like actors have a limited emotional vessel, our soul. That soul can not be the door mat of every musical act we accompany. As professional musicians we learn how to satisfy the job demands in a reasonable manner, without having a complete nervous breakdown from being expected to feel everything the “artist” must feel to be a star. I’ll never forget a young drummer from Chicago who thought his professional gig was just a little vacation to have a good time. He actually thought he was so good, that his talent allowed him to dispense with any serious thought about his gig. “Man, you don’t think about what you are playing, you just play!” Ha! I can imagine what Charlie Parker, Monk, or Dizzy would say to that. You wouldn’t want to let Miles hear you say that either. He would laugh you out of the room, because unlike many people believe jazz music is extremely well thought out. In fact it probably qualifies as THE most thought out music in America next to contemporary classical music. It isn’t magic that allows great moments to happen in jazz. It is knowledge and understanding of the possibilities in music. Miles systematically studied and applied musical devices in his band to make it evolve. Do you have the time to sit around and wait for great things to happen? Of course not. All you have to do is listen to differing versions of “My Funny Valentine.” As their playing of the tune progressed, it evolved over time in a logical fashion. It got more artistic, as Miles worked on a pared down the vehicle that is music. He found the musical devices, the concepts that allowed his group to express ideas and feelings at a sophisticated level. Then he stripped away all the excess like a successful artist does leaving only the bare beautiful essentials. Miles didn’t have to make use of the “Razzle Dazzle.” He used himself.